What the heck was the father of a 16-year-old tennis player in France thinking when he allegedly spiked the drinks of rival players with prescription drugs? (Here's the story.)

	Andre and Steffi better watch out for their baby.

A. "My other idea was to kidnap Agassi and Graf's baby, but Richard Williams already beat me to it."

B. "That's nothing. My wife spent the entire night going from locker to locker and rubbing poison ivy leaves on every pair of underwear."

C. "You know, there's just nothing funnier than watching a teenage boy in little white shorts running around with a crotch full of Viagra."

D. "If you do it just right, you can actually make their sweat turn colors like in those Gatorade commercials."

E. "In this politically-correct, touchy-feely world of ours, you can't stab people or break their knees with a pipe any more. What does that leave me?"

F. "Je deteste les Americains, especialement cette sallope Serena Williams. Voila - ca c'est pour ma paie entiere. Vive la France!"