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Hat tricks ... From the Page 2 mailbag | ||||
| Scott Verplank got into a tight situation with a Mountie after winning the Canadian Open recently.
If the hat doesn't fit, you must acquit! Marc Nielsen Romeoville, Ill. "Man! Ever since Curtis named me to the team, Tom Lehman fans won't leave me alone!" Fred Steel Glassboro, N.J. "Tiger never explained how to kiss pointy trophies!" Josh Thingelstad Grand Forks, N.D. "Not so fast, boy! This trophy was for show only. It does not cross that border." Kylee Colwell Aurora, Ill. "Canadian Beer Face!!!" Dave Sund Vancouver, Wash. A pained expression forms on Scott Verplank's face as he is forced to imagine Dudley Do Right as a member of the Village People. Scott Fralicks Arlington, Texas "Every time I try to take a sip out of this thing, I get a stabbing pain right here." Ty Manieri New Orleans Scott Verplank learns here that while the Canadian Mounties' new "super-sized" Mace canisters may be slightly more cumbersome and harder to hook neatly on to your belt, they are still just as effective. Joshua Browns Newark, Del. "I told my sponsor 7½, not 6½." Ryan Plymouth, Minn. After poking the pointed cup into Scott Verplank's forehead, Royal Mounted Policeman Curly Moe slaps Verplank in the back of the head and jokes, "How you like them apples, eh? Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck ..." Drew Zahn Sandwich, Ill. Scott: "Yeah, OK, well, we found this mouse in a bottle of your beer, eh, and we was at a party and a friend of ours, a cop, had some and he puked, and he said come here and get free beer, or uh, he'll press charges, eh." Robert Conrad Winchester, Calif. "You think that is tight, wait 'til you try the official Canadian Mountie briefs!" Mickey Hackett Royersford, Pa. "Oops ... guess your head must have swollen after being selected to the Ryder Cup team, eh?" Andy Kemper Hillsboro, Ore. Canadian Open champion Scott Verplank prepares to be "fitted" for a hat by the Canadian Mounted Police's honorary captain and former wrestler Sargeant Slaughter. Jared Conley San Francisco Imagine Verplank's surprise when he discovered that a baby wolverine had crawled into his hat. Bill Nash Greensboro, N.C. "I did not realize that the penalty for signing an incorrect scorecard was so severe." Ed Semlies Scarsdale, N.Y. After winning the Canadian Open, Scott Verplank is informed his winnings are in Canadian dollars and not U.S. Gregg New York According to Oliver Stone, the mountie to the right of Verplank "strongly resembles" Sam Torrance, thus suggesting a Ryder Cup "brainwash the rookie" conspiracy theory. Mike Media, Pa. Giving us yet one more reason to make fun of Canadians, they exhibit their violent interregation techniques. Greg Boston It's madcap hijinx aplenty when Tom Selleck teams up with Richie Cunningham for another hilarious episode of "My Favorite Mountie." (30 min.) Jim DeLosh St. Petersburg, Fla. "We didn't want to let this hat go to waste. ... We were planning to give this hat to Danny Almonte when we presented him with the key to Canada." Brent Paugh Houston Scott Verplank tries to use his power of ESP to help Dudley Do Right to find Snidely Whiplash. Gary Haar Fowler , Colo. The Barney Fife of the Mounties is upset to find out that he stole the wrong trophy back and the Stanley Cup is still safe in Colorado. Rob West End, N.J. The old "Super Glue on the strap of the Mountie Hat" trick claims another victim. Chris Zimmer Regina, Saskatchewan In an attempt to bolster attendance, the Montreal Expos will wear new uniforms modeled here by Canadian Open Champion Scott Verplank and The Expos' new mascot Eh the Mountie. Mark Iselin, N.J. Dudley Did Wrong. Chris Eggert Portland, Ore. |
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