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At long last, baseball's deepest secrets revealed
By Jim Caple
Special to Page 2

Bobby Thomson and other members of the 1951 New York Giants now admit their miraculous comeback from 13 games behind the Brooklyn Dodgers to win the National League pennant was aided by a spy stealing signs from the Polo Grounds bleachers.


	Bobby Thomson admits he had a little help when he hit "The Shot Heard 'Round the World."

That confession has prompted other baseball figures to confess their own roles in various dubious schemes:

Jeffrey Maier tells all
"It was all a set-up. I wasn't a 12-year-old fan. I was a midget on the Yankees payroll. What, you think some punk kid could afford a playoff ticket?

"I was working in the Yankees licensing department that year when Steinbrenner called me into his office in late August. He said he didn't want to lose a pennant by a couple inches so he was planting me in the front row of the bleachers with a big glove the rest of the season. If the Yankees hit a flyball anywhere near me, I was to catch it like it was a home run. He even hired an out-of-work actor -- I think the guy originated the role of RumTumTiger in 'Cats' or something -- to play my father.

"I thought Steinbrenner was nuts, but what the heck, he signs the checks. And sure enough. We're in the playoffs against Baltimore and suddenly there's the ball coming my way. I can see it doesn't have enough oomph to clear the fence, so I lean out and yank it over. Worked like a charm. That dope Richie Garcia rules it a home run, the Yanks win and all of a sudden I'm the toast of the city. Of course, I almost blew it on "Live With Regis!" when I lit up a cigar and asked Kathie Lee how the old tomato can was.

"I wouldn't do it again, though. Not because I'm ashamed or anything. I just got tired of shaving four times a day."

Roger Clemens bares his soul
"Of course, I knew it was a bat when I picked it up. What, you think I'm some sort of idiot that I can't tell the difference between a Louisville Slugger and a baseball? And yeah, I was trying to hit Piazza. Just like I threw at him during the season. How dare that pretty boy SOB swing at a pitch of mine, anyway? How dare anyone swing at my pitches? How dare anyone challenge me? They're all out to get me, you know. All of them.

"Dan Duquette pays them to persecute me. I know, because I proved it mathematically with the strawberries. Are you talking to me? To whom are you talking? No, tell me. Really, what's so funny? Do you think I'm funny? Am I here to amuse you? Kenneth, what's the frequency? Redrum. Redrum. Redrum ..."

Mark McGwire explains the source of his power


	Mark McGwire revealed his real power source.

"Everyone says it was the Androstenedione, but that wasn't it. And it wasn't creatine. Or steroids. Or anything else anyone suspected. You want to know the secret nutritional supplement I used in 1998? Well, I'll tell you. Wheaties. Yeah, that's right. 'The Breakfast of Champions.' I lived on the stuff all year. I had four bowls with every meal, plus a couple bowls between meals.

"And I'm not talking about your standard cereal bowls, I'm talking the big bowls like Jethro used to eat from on the 'Beverly Hillbillies.'

"I don't know if that's why I broke Maris' record or not, but I'll tell you this. I sure was regular that summer."

The deathbed confession of Joe Jackson
"Oh, yes. I not only took the money to throw the World Series, I placed the full amount against the White Sox and subsequently invested my winnings in Coca Cola at 2¼. I'm no fool, contrary to what you might hear.

"That whole tale about being illiterate was a mere cover story designed to win sympathy, old chap. There is nothing you Americans enjoy more than a country bumpkin who makes you feel educated. Jackson is just a nom de plume. In actuality, I was the second Lord Darlington. Graduated from Christ Church at Oxford with a double degree in English literature and economics.

"Nor was being banned from baseball punishment by any stretch of the imagination. Hardly. Frankly, I couldn't tolerate the game. Far too rough for my taste. And all that spitting of tobacco? Oh, dear. That's rather much, don't you think? Now, cricket, that's my sport.

"Let people think what they wish. The only part that truly bothers me is this whole 'Shoeless' nonsense. Please. I would never appear in public without a proper pair of fitted leathers. Honestly, you Americans are so unrefined."

Pete Rose finally comes clean
"I never bet on baseball."

Jim Caple of the Seattle Post-Intelligencer is a regular contributor to ESPN.com's baseball coverage and Page 2.

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