ESPN.com - Page2 - Go West, young man!

Go West, young man!
By Brian Murphy
Special to Page 2

Wheeling my soon-to-be-repo'd Hyundai into the company parking lot Monday morning, I cast a mournful glance at the spot next to mine.


	Casey Jacobsen and Stanford are joined by three other Pac-10 teams in the Sweet 16.

Empty again.

It has been two weeks since my boy Johnny -- you remember him, the old shoeshine guy from the "Police Squad!" episodes -- moved to Dubai. I expected it to be another Johnny ruse. Way I figured it, he'd met some bird, would tire of her in 72 hours, true to form, and be back by the Water Cooler come Monday morning to talk weekend sports.

But Johnny's parking space -- the one that usually housed his '73 Cadillac Sedan de Ville -- remained unused. My boy was really living in Dubai. Not only did I miss his celebrity connections (last I spoke with him, he was still talking up the game of "Twister" with Britney Spears he said he could dial up), but I didn't know what I was supposed to do for a Weekend List of Five. I mean, what? Come up with my own? Come on.

It was only a little past 9 when I headed for the Cooler, only to learn the Water Cooler contained a magic all its own.

Bingo. There they were. My topic for the week.

Standing around the Sparkletts, gripping their Dixie Cups, dancing awkwardly, were five college mascots. A guy dressed as a Bruin. A gal dressed as a tree. A guy dressed as a Wildcat. A guy dressed as a Bulldog. And an extreme lame-o dressed as a Trojan. Nobody was talking to that last cat.

"Why, I don't believe my eyes," I said, approaching the Cooler.

"Mpheve mphit," said the Bruin, wearing a sweater reading "U-C-L-A."

"What?" I said.

"Mbhve mphit," he said again, looking for a high-five.

"Dude, I can't understand a word you're saying," I said. "You're trying to talk through a 40-pound bear head with no acoustic hope."


	Casey Calvary and Gonzaga are hanging out in the Sweet 16 again.

It was as close as the Water Cooler would ever come to being a SportsCenter commercial.

The Bruin laboriously removed his giant bear head.

"Dude," a college student said, copious sweat beaded on his mug. "I said: Believe it."

It didn't take long for me to figure matters out. I'm a smart guy. I went to UCLA and all. It might have only netted me this low-paying gig under the fluorescents, but I knew my NCAA tourney hoops, and I knew what I was seeing.

UCLA. Stanford. Arizona. Gonzaga. USC.

My Monday morning Water Cooler visit was from West Coast Hoops. In the ever-loving, ESPN-slanted, East Coast-biased, no-Pac-10-lovin' house.

Believe it, East Coast. You might get "Saturday Night Live" live. You might get "60 Minutes" right after The Masters. But you have brutal weather. Not nearly as many hot chicks. And bad produce to boot.

Now you have five -- five, baby -- West Coast teams in the Sweet 16. Four from the ever-lovin' Pac-10, baby. And I know that hurts. Really. It does.

I'll pound a couple of Dixie cups to that, amigos.

And I'll use my comfort level amid my newfound mascot friends -- yes, I hate to include them, but the Trojans earned their way there, so, you know, maximum respect and all that -- to dedicate this weekend's List of Five:

1. Temple Basketball
As much as I love my Pac-10 brethren, it is time to take a step back, loosen our collective ties, soak our collective collars in sweat and give a gravel-voiced, hooded-eyelid salute to John Chaney and the blessed Temple Owls. Holy Bill Cosby, baby, these guys are tourney gods.

I've got a boy, let's call him "H.B." Dude went to Temple. Gets real emotional about his Owls. I've caught him in a few weak moments during Temple games when the matchup zone is so swarming, he tells me, catch in throat, that for John Chaney, "It's all about saving lives! Dude, do you understand that! IT'S ALL ABOUT SAVING LIVES!" Hey, I'm all for saving lives. What the hell. My sense of humanity is extended today. I'm in a good mood. I'm also all for a matchup zone. And I'm all for Temple over Penn State. It's ALL ABOUT THE REGIONAL FINAL, BABY!

2. Marvin O'Connor
While on the topic of Philly hoops ... I will pound a cheesesteak in honor of the cornrowed legend himself any day after watching "Marvelous" Marvin O'Connor lay out 37 on Stanford on Saturday night. St. Joe's was that team you wanted no part of. Bald Italian coach ready with the one-liners. Two little guards who will pants you like you play for the Washington Generals. The Little-School-That-Could pedigree that always kills big school mojo.

So, when Marvelous hung 37 on Casey Jacobsen and the boys, and Stanford survived, you had to think the Cardinal are destined. Meanwhile, I pondered getting cornrows myself. Thought better of it. Not a good look for a guy like me. Still, I'll be wearing my St. Joe's "O'Connnor" gamer to the next company picnic. Should get me somewhere with Raquel from Receiving.

3. The Fist Pump is Back
You know the only thing that can tear my remote away from NCAA Tourney hoops is Eldrick on the back nine on a Sunday. Dude did not disappoint. While the Pear-Shaped One played his ass off, hanging a 66 on Tiger and forcing Stanford's biggest fan to birdie two of the last three holes, our guy Tiger did it.


	In four starts this season, Annika Sorenstam has two wins and two seconds.

You know, with the 195-yard five-iron on 18 from the rough, over water, over rocks and to a landing area the size of a throw rug. You know, with the pressure of the tourney on his red-sweater-wearing shoulders and all. Huge. Stuffed the "slump" in the side of Mickelson's visor.

But a question: Who was the bird who picked up Tiger's ball and put it down again after the hooked tee shot? Does gallery proximity like that make golf the greatest game of all, or does that make golf like a Little League game, where foul balls can be returned for a free hot dog at the concession stand?

4. Annika: 59
And while on the topic of the royal and ancient game, how about a new TV spot: These Girls Are Good. When Annika Sorenstam puts up a 59, you must stop dissing women's golf. You must realize any one of these chicks can clean your golf-betting clock so quickly and effortlessly, you'll be handing over C-notes on the 18th green as if Tony Soprano himself was shaking you down.

5. Gonzaga Basketball
We leave this weekend with another image from West Coast hoops. Tell me you can watch Gonzaga play basketball and not fall in love with them. What, you don't like the unfazed treys under pressure? The thigh-burning defense? The head fakes in the post?

Come on, America. Get into Dan Dickau, grow your hair out to Greg Brady length and get into the West Coast Renaissance. It's the place to be, baby.

Just don't all move out at once. Deal?

Brian Murphy of the San Francisco Chronicle writes the "Monday Morning Water Cooler" every week for Page 2.

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