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Jerry Krause is out.
Citing health problems, the Chicago Bulls general manager unexpectedly resigned Monday, leaving a stubby, hyper-secretive vacuum in his wake. How did those involved with his title-winning, dynasty-dismantling tenure take the news? A peek into Krause's Inbox reveals the truth:
From: bullsoxowner@aol.com
Subject: Resignation Ceremony
Jerry,
How many times can I say it? It pains me to lose an employee like you. Your contributions to the Bulls will always be remembered. In fact, I want to do something to honor your legacy. Something big. I'm thinking of a downtown ticker-tape parade. Maybe a speech, too. You know -- like when we won those six titles. But this time, just for you. The fans deserve as much. What do you think?
-- Chm. Reinsdorf
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From: RealGM23@wizards.nba.com
Subject: Bowing out
Crumbs,
Turns out you were right: Organizations really do win championships! Just not yours ... or mine, for that matter! Thinking back, I wish we had pulled the trigger on that Kwame-for-Elton deal. Why did you hang on to Jamal Crawford just to pick Jay Williams, anyway? And why did you make me play with guys like Stacey King? I know I'm the greatest player ever, but still -- Will Perdue? Did I look like I was wearing a cape or something?
Look, do me a favor and have the mini-fridge taken out of your office, OK? I'm not a big fan of eating at my desk, and frankly, I don't even want to know what's been in there.
-- MJ
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From: BigPip@blazers.nba.com
Subject: Gettin' paid?
Heard the big news. What kind of severance package are you getting? Bet it's not as good as what I've made since I left the Bulls. (Paul Allen is like a walking ATM!)
You shoulda paid me when you had the chance,
-- Scottie
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From: bullsoxowner@aol.com
Subject: Resignation Honors
Jerry,
What about your very own bobblehead doll? They're all the rage these days. We could give them away the next time the Lakers come to town, just to rub it in on Phil. Besides, we'll be sure to have a full house that way.
I can see those bouncy jowls already!
-- Chm. Reinsdorf
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From: sacredhoops@earthlink.net
Subject: For the last time ...
Listen, I'm willing to admit it: You saw something in Jud Buechler that no one else did. Not even Jerry West. That doesn't make you a better GM. Comprende?
-- Phil
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From: Levingston, Cliff
Subject: Good Luck!
Heard the sad news. Hope you find happiness. I'll never forget everything you've done for me. Just think: I've got a ring and Barkley doesn't! Well, gotta run -- I think that's the FBI knocking at the door.
All my best,
Cliff
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From: worm@rodman.com
Subject: Respect the temple
Jerry,
Smart move stepping down. Take it from me: There's nothing more important than taking care of your body.
-- Dennis
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From: floydsgonefishin@msn.com
Subject: Got bait?
The rods are packed. So is the cooler. Ready to catch some big ones? (Like old times, before you saddled me with the likes of Fred Hoiberg and Trenton Hassell.)
-- Tim
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From: bullsoxowner@aol.com
Subject: Resignation Solution
Jerry,
I've got it! Forget the parade and the bobbleheads. How 'bout we put a giant bronze statue of you outside the United Center? Right next to the statue of you-know-who? I think this could work -- you know, give the fans someone to blame, even if that someone isn't around anymore.
-- Chm. Reinsdorf |
Patrick Hruby is a sportswriter for the Washington Times. You can reach him at phrub@yahoo.com.
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