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Sugar Magnolia, Blossoms blooming, Tom Tolbert's head's all empty and I don't care!!
NEW YEAR, 2003 -- The end of the year is a good time to take stock and consider changes. Here are my resolutions for 2003:
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10: I promise to lay off Chris Webber now that he's won one big game. Like Donald Rumsfeld, I hate losing the easy targets.
Commissars and pinstriped bosses roll the dice
Any way they fall -- guess who gets to pay the price?
9: I hereby resolve to show more patience with noted team player Gary Payton, who somehow seems to think that being paid $13 million a year and having the run of the city and franchise is a sign of "disrespect."
Lose your step fall out of grace.
8: I heretofore commit to sprinkling rose petals in Michael Jordan's path to immortality even though the Utah Jazz's Matt Harpring has a higher scoring average this year.
7: I will do everything in my power to help Mayor Bloomberg realize his No. 1 dream of securing the 2012 Olympics for New York. But I'd rather he prioritize and focus on getting Scott Layden to stop signing mediocre players to superstar contracts.
6: I will convince myself on Feb. 28, when the Knicks retire Patrick Ewing's glorious No. 33 at the Garden, that the stain of his ill-fated stops in Seattle and Orlando never happened.
5: I will strive endlessly to find the necessary compassion for the personnel directors who let Richard Jefferson and Amarie Stoudamire slip so far in the draft.
4: I will provide Latrell Sprewell with "fishing" hooks for his yacht so that the hook that he did use this past summer won't contribute to the demise of any more Knick seasons.
3: I will do everything in my power to keep ESPN and ABC from running promotional spots for upcoming games that include traveling violations.
2: I will try desperately to understand why people keep telling Mark Cuban how to run his business. Shouldn't it be the other way around? It's beneath Don Nelson to campaign publicly for a new contract.
1: I will search endlessly for the information that supports George Bush's contention that global warming is not a problem. Why does Mick Jagger's position on this issue seem so much more plausible? I can't wait for that free Stones concert at the Staples Center. I need to invite George!
Happy New Year!
Picture a bright blue ball just spinning, spinning free … dizzy with possibilities ...
Why are people so concerned with Shaq's free-throw shooting when Jay Williams is shooting 54 percent from the line? Must be from all the time Jay is spending working on his rebounding and shot blocking.
I can only hope that when the Atlanta Hawks have to "make good" on their playoff guarantee that Pete Babcock and Lon Kruger personally hand-deliver the cash. Checks in the mail don't count as restitution here.
When will teams learn that the real key to beating the Lakers is on the offensive end?
Will somebody please have John Stockton direct the Lakers to the Fountain of Youth?
We can all appreciate the difficulties of selling tickets in a Bush economy, but don't you think that the Denver Nuggets crossed the line with their television ad hinting at Juwan Howard posing in the nude at a women's art class? What can be next? Lingerie Barbie giveaway night? She's got everything delightful, she's got everything I need ...
I was inspired to see Steven Spielberg, in an effort to preserve film history, pay $180,000 in order to donate Bette Davis' Best Actress Oscar to the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences. Hopefully, for a lot less money, someone will come forward to do the same for the whiny, spoiled, overpaid ball-hog Kenny Anderson.
e-Bay is selling a town, Bridgeville, Calif, on line. If it's successful, might the Clippers do the same with Michael Olowokandi?
Did Rick Adelman really outcoach Phil Jackson on Christmas Day? Only Pythagoras knows for sure.
Kobe's over-dribbling against the Kings couldn't possibly be part of the Lakers Triangle. It reminded me a lot more of the Yucca Mountain nuclear waste dump.
With the Lakers marketing their new white uniforms, the biggest market might be Sacramento.
With the cast of "Friends" signing on for another season at $10 million per episode, people are calling it the most expensive half-hour in television history. Thought that was when the Blazers and Knicks played each other?
Researchers in Canada and Austria have reviewed every Playboy magazine over the last 50 years and determined that the bust size and waist line of the models have decreased over time. A similar study of Shawn Kemp, Derrick Coleman and Tractor Traylor -- flat busts themselves -- came to the opposite conclusion.
A Canadian court recently allowed an Internet company to sell marijuana to seriously ill people. Do they offer overnight shipping to Portland?
Did Damon Stoudamire really turn down the lead in the in the new movie "Catch Me if You Can"?
The Celtics sure made us all proud Christmas Day.
Toronto Raptor fans must feel like someone put coal in their stockings while they watched their former stars -- Tracy McGrady and Keon Clark -- play for other teams in the showcase Christmas Day games.
Chick Hearn was recently heard wailing "the refrigerator door is closing, the butter is hardening, the jello is jiggling but the odor is still lingering." I miss him so.
Things are worse for Pat Riley than I thought. When he said this week that Antoine Walker was the greatest "point forward" in the history of the game, why did my mind immediately jump to Larry Bird?
There is no truth to the rumored side deal in the recent trade of Nugget James Posey. Six dozen more LeBron James lottery ping pong balls were not included.
Don't you think they might want to re-do the shoe commercial playing incessantly these days featuring Horace Grant, Tracy McGrady and the Orlando Magic. And Horace wasn't aiming the ball at Doc Rivers' head, was he?
The Nets' financial planners must be overjoyed that the team seems to be doing better without Dikembe Mutumbo.
I was stunned to discover that Tom Hanks was able to nudge Shaq out as America's favorite movie star.
Sunshine daydream, walkin' in the sunshine
Happy New Year, everybody!
Picture a bright blue ball just spinning, spinning free
The future's here, we are it, we are on our own.
Bill Walton, who is an NBA analyst for ESPN, is a regular contributor to ESPN.com.
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