Scott: Understand the
power of your words
Special to Page 2
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Scott: Understand the power of your words Special to Page 2 | ||||
Editor's note: ESPN SportsCenter anchor Stuart Scott delivered the commencement speech at the University of North Carolina on Sunday. Here's the text of his speech.
 First word that comes to mind is "wow." I think the second is "surreal." I sat where you sit 14 years ago and listened to "then" baseball commissioner Peter Ueberoth. I don't remember what he said -- and it wasn't because he was boring. He wasn't. It was probably because here I was about to graduate. I was scared, excited, hot, confused and jobless. I was also winded because my Mu Zeta Chapter of "A-Phi-A" frat brothers and I had just done an impromptu step show midfield here in Kenan Stadium.
I say all that to say 14 years wasn't that long ago. I remember. It's hot. You've been up most of the night before and days before gettin' your party on. The last thing you want is someone who's gonna take 45 minutes up here telling you "go forth and prosper." So I won't say that. In fact, I don't really want to tell you "what to do" so much as simply give you some things to think about.
I am blessed to have gone to school here for four years. You are blessed for the same reason. You won't realize the depth of it until later in life, which is natural. There is something about this campus -- the tradition here, the social life, the athletics, the academics, the pride of being a Tar Heel. You know how the folks who reside eight miles down 15-501 wearing the wrong blue love to playa hate on UNC? Jealousy is an ugly emotion, isn't it?
Speaking of Duke, did you all hear the news' Duke's Shane Battier has received special permission from the NCAA to return to school and play college basketball for as long as he wants? It's called ambassador status. That's good, 'cause Duke players don't do very well in the NBA. They're also gonna let Shane call his own fouls in college basketball. Says one NCAA official, "The refs do their best to help Shane, but as anyone could tell from the Feb. 1 game with North Carolina, they're occasionally going to inhibit his game. So since Shane knows the game better than anyone, we feel it's best to let him be a 'player-ref.' "
Anyway, back to reality and us. It's cool how Tar Heel alums realize the uniqueness of a shared bond. In my profession, I run into a lot of Carolina alums basically 'cause we dominate rosters of NBA, NFL, MLB and soccer. And all the alums always acknowledge it: "Yo, what up, Tar Heel?" Well, all of them except Rasheed Wallace. I said, "What up, Tar Heel?" to him, and he just stared at me. So I gave him two quick technical fouls and threw him out of the game.
'Sheed is different, and that's OK. It's one of the most important lessons you learn here at UNC. Different is cool -- always has been here -- it's the beauty of diversity. And you've probably had more diversity here than you will as you move on. I know all of you want to do more than "get a job." I know you want to "make a difference." Keep this in mind as you do that. Remember the different walks of life you've seen here on campus, all colors, all races, all religions, all sexual make-ups, athletes, scholars, hippies, frat boys, sorority girls. I hope you've accepted whatever is different from you as simply what it is -- just different.
We all know the "majority" in this world decides "who" is the "other." Discrimination wears a lot more masks than just "white" and "black." There's age. Most discrimination cases are age-related. There's discrimination because of physical abilities. "Aw, dog. He can't play no ball." Because of "mental" abilities. "I'm magna cum lauda." Uh well, "I graduated 'thank you lawdy'. "
All those levels, and we make meaning from them. When you put those differences up on a wall, some you can see, others you can't. It's like a cube. You can see some of the sides. Others have more depth. Some, you can see parts of. Others, you can't see at all. People making a difference need to be aware of that paradigm. Also be aware of stereotypical tendencies. We value height. Sometimes we equate it with influence. Not always true. Making a difference means taking prejudices we have, understand them, then figuring out how to check myself.
Say I had a 3.8 GPA -- I didn't but if I did ... If I don't know how to talk to people, how to reach across the sphere and connect, my GPA, it's just for GP.
Given the way the world is changing, you absolutely cannot depend on stereotypes. Do that and you might lose money. Lose a customer. Lose constituents. Lose the faith of a child. Or worse: Have a child lose faith in you. Every time you speak, you're making someone else's reality. Especially in relationships.
Your words have power. Remember this, and this is important. When you get a girlfriend and/or a fianceé and/or a wife. Know this: We communicate differently. And guys, I know you're going to hate it because you're going to think, "I don't get her," "She doesn't make sense," and you're gonna try to talk to her like you talk to your boys. And when she doesn't understand you, you're gonna complain. You are in a relationship with a woman. You're not in a relationship with a man who looks like a woman.
Do you want to be right, or do you want to get your point across? Do you want to be right, or do you really want to communicate? Ladies, I'm talking to you, too. If you're talking to your boss or colleague or neighbor or child or spouse or potential spouse, use language that they understand. Don't force them to understand you. Right now, my wife is probably thinking, "Who is that man up there speaking?" -- I'm not good at it myself.
There is power in communication. Don't be afraid to use it. There's power of communicating to a diverse group of people or diverse groups. Don't be afraid to use it. Whether you're reaching out to five kids at a summer camp or whether you're addressing Congress.
There's also power in humility. One of the toughest things to do is saying, "I'm sorry." Either we don't say it or we say, "I'm sorry, but ..." "But" takes the authority out of a true apology. If you mess up, look whoever in the eye and say, "I'm sorry." There's nothing else, really, they can say. You own the strength in that.
Thinking like that and actually doing it. Two different things. To learn how to gain inner strength, you have to first have enlightenment. How do you maintain that? Several ways. Keep friends who keep you honest about what you're going to do when you say you're going to do it. Just having friends who will always agree with you can be divisive. Keep yourself grounded about reality and not just your own reality. You might think you look fine in that Spandex dress or those flat-fronted polyester pants. But, uh, you might want to run it across one of your more truthful friends before you go to the club.
If you're going to make a difference, if you're going to grow, be honest with yourself -- about yourself. And that's hard. Come out of your comfort zone, which means talking to people you might not normally talk to. Someone new in your office or neighborhood. Talk with someone who intimidates you just by looking at them. Somebody you've got nothing in common with.
Being honest with yourself also means self-reflection. Whether it's chillin' out with that Jill Scott CD, reading, keeping a journal, praying or just being in silence. It's funny. We often equate being alone with being lonely. It's not even close to being the same. Some of the times I've been loneliest is when there's a ton of people around.
When I first heard about the opposition to my speaking here, I was in my office with about four people. Talk about lonely. It was weird because I wasn't angry or even hurt. I felt alone because I felt like, "Here we go again -- I gotta prove something, prove that I'm a journalist and not just an entertainer." Then I realized something that didn't hit me. Fourteen years ago, when a TV news director saw my résumé tape and told me, "You suck. You'll never make it in this business" -- and, yes, those were the words he used -- back then I felt I had to prove something to him.
Which is in part what fueled my drive, what continued to fuel it every time some magazine or newspaper critic slammed me. Because he or she didn't understand me, didn't know what I was talking about when I said, "Playa hatin'." What continued to fuel it when one of my colleagues gave me a hard time about making an Alpha Phi Alpha-Omega Psi Phi reference, saying I should have used an "Animal House" reference if I was going to talk about fraternities. I felt like, I gotta stand up on top of a mountain and shout "Hey. Your view of reality, your world, is not 'the' world. Diversity means understanding. How you were raised, where you were raised, what shapes you is only a small slice of the pie. You don't have to understand or like every slice. You just have to accept there are more slices than you've known."
Somewhere down the line, I realized I never have to prove anything to anyone but myself. And I'm secure in the knowledge that I do that every day. So, about 10 minutes after I heard about the opposition to my speaking here -- about the quote, "Is this entertainment or commencement" -- it didn't bother me anymore. I can't prove to anyone I am deserving of this honor. I'll just get up there. Give them who I am and if that's good enough, fine.
If not, I still got my two little girls to go home to. The thing is, one of the professors who came out, publicly, against me speaking -- we ended up talking, and she explained it wasn't a personal thing. It was just some issues with the university and the athletic department. And she really was looking forward to me coming. It all works out. For the record, I also agree with one Raleigh radio DJ. He said, "I'd rather go hear Stuart than some politician. Now if it's J-Lo, I'd rather go see J-Lo." Dog, I'm witcha.
When you get to be 35 years old, you start appreciating things you woulda thought were silly or "soft" in college. And I might have my "macho-testosterone" card taken away from me for this, but I ran across some things that a guy named Paul Harvey suggested. Sort of like lessons for life. He said, "Learn humility by being humiliated," "Learn honesty by being cheated," "Get a black eye fighting for something you believe in," "See puppies being born" and "See your old dog put to sleep." It's all about perspective and appreciating your own perspective.
Here's something else I believe in, and it comes with being a parent. Teach your kids how to pray. Teach them to look both ways before they cross the street. Teach them not to talk to strangers. And then, you pray. You won't get it perfect. But you will get it.
The best thing about diversity, thinking about it, trying to learn from it, trying to grow from it, understanding how so many different people come together to create this world that you are about to walk head first into. You will make a difference, not in that "Hallmark card" way of making a difference but in the real way. With your kids or with somebody else's kids. Some clichés are true. Just as your parents and uncles and aunts raised you to shape the world, and you are about to, you will help raise the next generation to take over where you left off.
For those of you who don't know, by far (and there is no close second), the best thing about life are your kids. And their honesty. Somewhere along the way, people lose their greatest gift as they get older. As I said before, the ability to be honest with yourself, and by extension, others.
Two stories about my 6-year-old, then I'll get outta your hair. My wife and I were at a restaurant with an old couple across from us. And you know how old people like seeing the family unit. So the lady comes up and says, "You have such a nice family and such beautiful little girls." I said to my "then" 5-year-old, "Taelor, what do you say'" And Taelor is staring at her husband, who's probably 80, with some red discolorating his head. And she turns to the lady and says matter-of-factly, "You might want to take him to the doctor to see what that mark is on his head." My wife was mortified. I was doubled over in laughter. Love the honesty.
She even got me. I was working out of town on her fifth birthday. So I called that morning, and I was talking to her on the phone, feeling real emotional. She said, "Daddy, I'm eating breakfast. Can I talk to you later'" And I said, "Taelor, just give me a minute. I just want you to know that you and your sister, Sydni, are the most precious gifts God has ever given to me. I love you more than anything." I'm getting all choked up, and she interrupts me and says, "Daddy." I'm thinking, she's gonna say her usual: "I love you, too." Nope. She says, "Daddy, has it been a minute yet?"
I said yes. So before you ask me the same question -- "Has it been a minute?" -- I'll close. But before I do, second best thing other than kids and family: friends. Unconditional friends.
Someone once said of "friendship" -- a friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it to you when you've forgotten the words. Someone else once said "Everyone hears what you say. Friends listen to what you say. Best friends listen to what you don't say." Love your friends. Understand the power in your words. Be aware, and embrace the world's diversity. Make a difference. Send this story to a friend | Most sent stories |
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