In this economy, the unemployment rate is on the rise and no one's job is safe. Just ask Georgia coach Jim Harrick. He'll tell you that sometimes you have to make your own opportunity and get out there and pound the pavement.

To whom it may concern: My name is Jim Harrick Sr., and I am inquiring about the soon-to-be vacant men's head basketball coach position with St. Bonaventure. My résumé is enclosed for your review. I am currently the head coach at the University of Georgia. However, I am looking for another job, because my time in Athens is gently winding down, or so my few remaining friends here tell me. I believe that my coaching expertise and imminent availability -- coupled with your need for a coach who can get his players to show up for scheduled games -- makes me an ideal candidate for this coaching opportunity with St. Bonaventure. Please contact me at your earliest convenience. I'm available to interview for this position as soon as my team is bounced from the tourney. Regards, Jim Harrick Sr.

JIM HARRICK SR. University of Georgia Athletic Department P.O. Box 1472 Athens, GA 30603-1472 OBJECTIVE: To fulfill my never-ending quest of winning college basketball games while leaving universities in a trail of lawsuits, allegations, denials and deceit. SUMMARY OF QUALIFICATIONS: 30 years experience coaching, recruiting and backpedaling Award-winning coach with strong aptitude for fudging expense reports Engaging personality with excellent corruption skills Devoted family man and longtime activist for nepotism WORK EXPERIENCE: University of Georgia -- Athens, GA Head Basketball Coach, March 1999-Not much longer Guided Bulldogs to 22-win season in 2002, two consecutive NCAA tournament berths, and probably 3-5 years of probation. Assisted players with off-court activities as needed, including paying utility bills and purchasing home entertainment equipment. Employed son, Jim, who taught "Lack of Coaching Ethics & Strategies to Avoid Disciplinary Sanctions" while handing out A's to students that exhibited poor attendance and a 4:1 assist/turnover ratio. Conduct TV interviews exclusively with Dick Vitale because Jeremy Schaap has a reputation for asking college coaches tough, honest questions. University of Rhode Island -- Kingston, R.I. Head Basketball Coach, May 1997-March 1999 Guided Rams to Elite Eight appearance, Atlantic 10 Tournament Championship, 45 wins and a cesspool filled with NCAA violations. Hired Lamar Odom's prep school coach, Jerry DeGregorio, as an assistant in blatant attempt to persuade the squeaky-clean Odom to wear a Rams uniform. Left URI with $45,000 tab in successful effort to pay off sexual harassment lawsuit that also cited coaches paying players, changing D's to A's, and falsifying expense reports for recruits. University of California at Los Angeles -- Los Angeles, CA Head Basketball Coach, April 1988-November 1996 Led UCLA to National Championship in 1995, three Pac-10 Championships, eight straight 20-win seasons and eight consecutive NCAA Tournament berths. Misled UCLA in its investigation concerning my penchant for buying dinner for anyone wearing Bruins gear. Sold my car to Baron Davis' sister in exchange for his Letter of Intent and an autographed headband. REFERENCES Available if you absolutely insist.

Gino Bona continually strives for rock bottom on his "Wink & The Gun" site, which can be reached at www.winkandthegun.com. E-mail him at gino@winkandthegun.com.