LOS ANGELES -- Heavy lays the crown upon the head of the Defending Champions.

	Signore

	Diesel

The Diesel says he's sick of the media stirring stuff up. The Signore says his unnamed teammates have to get in shape. They say nothing to one another, other than on the court.

"It's like a contest around here between these two," says one weary teammate. "And all the rest of us can do is sit around and watch them."

Bryant's been saying that the problem isn't with L.A.'s offense, which is true, but its defense. And its defense has been suffering, he opines, because of older legs and sagging bodies.

	“	The reason why my numbers have been so high is that I take little (bleeping) kiddie shots, and I shoot a high percentage. I'm sure if I was shooting jumpers, I'd probably shoot a lower percentage. But I always shoot 50 percent. I'm in the paint. I'm in the war zone. That's what I've been doing. That's what I'll continue to do. If there comes a time in my career when I can't do that no more, I'll either sit down or change my role. But I'll sit down first. ”
		— Diesel

"When you're tired," the Signore said Monday morning, "it makes cowards out of the very best of men. Because you can't execute."

The Diesel says the problem is otherwise.

"We beat ourselves," he said, while most of the media horde was hearing Phil Jackson disclose that Shaq is taking extra aerobic time after practice. "Bull____ turnovers, bull____ decisions. (Bleep) like that. Deep down, you can't have one or two guys. The whole team has to come and play. And when a team doesn't come to play, there shouldn't be any excuses. And I don't make excuses."

I figured the Mouse paid good money for me to fly to L.A. to ask the question, so I asked the question. Why can't he and Kobe go into a room, lock the door, and hash out their differences?

"I don't have a problem," Shaq said. "So if I don't have a problem, I don't have to do anything. We talk all the time. You guys think we hate each other. You guys are having more fun with this than we are. I'm here to do my job and everyone has to do their job accordingly. Period. We did it last year."

The Diesel insists he's a team player. I leave it to you to determine if the following passage is directed at anyone in particular.

"I know I can't win it by myself," he said. "I know I'm gonna need those guys with me. If I could've done it by myself, I'd have more rings than Bill Russell right now. So I know I can't do it. Not in this day and time. So I always utilize my four teammates, especially when I get doubled, I'm looking for the shooters, kicking it out and making the game easier for everybody. The reason why my numbers have been so high is that I take little (bleeping) kiddie shots, and I shoot a high percentage. I'm sure if I was shooting jumpers, I'd probably shoot a lower percentage. But I always shoot 50 percent. I'm in the paint. I'm in the war zone. That's what I've been doing. That's what I'll continue to do. If there comes a time in my career when I can't do that no more, I'll either sit down or change my role. But I'll sit down first."

I leave it to you to decide if this has a different meaning than it appears at first blush.

	ALDRIDGE'S RANKINGS
	THE TOP 10 1. Sacramento 2. Philadelphia 3. Portland 4. L.A. Lakers 5. Dallas 6. New York 7. San Antonio 8. Utah 9. Milwaukee 10. Phoenix THE BOTTOM FIVE 25. New Jersey 26. Golden State 27. Vancouver 28. Chicago 29. Washington

"I realize," the Diesel says, "that the newer models outshine the older models. So when this 1992 Mercedes doesn't shine no more, I'll go in the garage, shut the garage and retire. But right now, this 1992 Mercedes is still a powerful m_____ f_____. I've got that engine, I've got nice rims, I look (bleeping) good, and I'll do what I've been doing. When I can't do that no more, I'm not going to be like all these (bleeping) old centers playing 'till they're 40. (Bleep) that. When I can't do what I do anymore, then, hey, I'll retire. But my thing was, if it ain't broke, don't fix it. I don't have a problem with anybody. It's all about the team. It ain't all about me. 'Cause I know marketing. If the team wins, then everybody looks good."

The Diesel agrees with the Signore that defense is the problem. Why the defense isn't working is up for debate.

"I'm not going to make excuses, but guys have to want to step up individually, including myself," he said. "We just have to be there. We have to help, we have to be hungry, and get that hunger back."

I asked the Diesel if there was time to straighten this mess out.

"There's plenty of time," he said. "For us, it would be key if we could have that number one spot. But if we don't have the number one spot, as long as we have some type of home court advantage (in earlier rounds), we'll take the home court advantage. The second year that the Rockets won it, they were in sixth, seventh place. We just have to develop that hunger and keep that hunger."

Personally, I think by the middle of February, this is going to be a non-issue. The Lakes are just too good to keep playing in this funk. And keep in mind, for all their supposed troubles, they're only a couple of games out of first in the Pacific. But for now, it is the talk of the league. With the Diesel and the Signore the center -- and shooting guard -- of attention.

Stay tuned.

	Olajuwon

Around The League

It bears repeating: Houston needs every bit of the $16.9 million that Hakeem Olajuwon is currently occupying for next offseason, so it can't and won't take any of the supposed offers on the table from the Suns (although Anfernee Hardaway was never offered to Houston, as was reported last week). Not only do the Rockets want to add free agents from outside the team, but they also have to have dollars available for their own free agents to be, Maurice Taylor and Moochie Norris.

	Odom