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| Monday, August 14 | |||||||||
| Folks, time for the 14th-inning stretch ESPN.com | |||||||||
It wasn't just a game. It was a mini-series.
Tuesday in Seattle, the Red Sox and Mariners set out to play a baseball game. Little did they know they could have flown back to Boston faster.
Long, long ago, the Milwaukee Brewers had a brainstorm. On the final Saturday in July, they would honor whichever Brewers player made the All-Star team (and of course, the Brewers are limited by the Constitution to one All-Star per year) with a very special promotion: All-Star Poster Night. And this year's very special honoree was lovable Brewers closer Bob Wickman, a fine, upstanding Wisconsin native to boot. So last Saturday night turned into the County Stadium event of the summer -- Bob Wickman Poster Night. There were 23,000 fans there. All the Brewers were there. Wickman's mother was there. Even his grandmother was there. Everybody who was anybody in Milwaukee was right there -- except for one guy: Bob Wickman. The Brewers had traded him to Cleveland the day before. "It was a little weird," Wickman told the Cleveland Plain Dealer's Paul Hoynes. "But my mother and grandmother were happy to get the posters." Now it seems to us the Brewers are on to a fabulous new concept in promotions: Get your own poster night. Win a free trip out of town -- for the rest of your career. "Personally, I think it's probably better to have Bob Wickman Poster Night without Bob Wickman," said Kevin Brandt, the uproarious morning sports guy at WKLH radio in Milwaukee, "because that way, he doesn't have a chance to blow a save on his own night." Good point. But maybe the Brewers are on to something else, too. Maybe it's occurred to them that former Brewers are way more popular than most current Brewers. We're all for a Rob Deer Poster Night. Or a Boomer Scott Poster Night. Or a Bernardo Carbo Poster Night. The possibilities are endless. "I have to say that Bob Wickman Poster Night is better than Franklin Stubbs Poster Night," Brandt said. "Or Joey Meyer Poster Night. Heck, at Joey Meyer Poster Night, you'd have to have horizontal posters -- just to get in all his girth." But if the Brewers insist on honoring their current personnel, that could get hazardous to their careers. So you have to be concerned that the next Brewers employee to be saluted is the most popular of them all -- longtime broadcaster Bob Uecker. Yes, on Aug. 12 at County Stadium, it's Bob Uecker Day. "Knowing Ueck," Brandt said, "on Bob Uecker Day, I think he'd want them to just take out the leftover Bob Wickman posters, cross out Bob Wickman and write Bob Uecker in magic marker. Ueck would like that. I mean, why go to the expense?" Incidentally, you might recall that Brandt is the man who proposed our favorite baseball marketing idea of the year -- Moutons' Futons (honoring the Brewers' left-field platoon of Lyle and James Mouton). But we regret to report that Moutons' Futons never did catch on. "Yeah, Mutons' Futons is out," he said. "One of them got sent down. I'm not sure which." That would be Lyle. But look on the bright side. It might be the end of Moutons' Futons. But coming right up, undoubtedly, in County Stadium: Lyle Mouton Poster Night. Olympian of the week The Olympics draw closer by the hour. So here at Week in Review, the pressure mounts. This is Week Three of our campaign to place baseball's most hilarious mighty mite, Casey Candaele, on the Olympic baseball team. And so far, no boarding pass to Sydney. When last we left this campaign, former Angels GM Bill Bavasi, co-chairman of Team USA, was at least expressing sympathy for the plight of our hero, who at 39 can't have many shots left at Olympic glory. Bavasi didn't seem too impressed by Candaele's baseball credentials -- like his nine seasons in the big leagues as an invaluable utility guy, for instance -- or his promise to be relentlessly patriotic. But Bavasi did suggest that if Candaele "could just turn back the clock 10 years," there might be hope. Well, this tale might never be the same after that, because Candaele revealed that he does, in fact, have a clock -- right next to his bed. And all he needed to do was calculate how many times around he'd need to twist it to turn it back 10 years. His quote at the time: "I'm gonna have to get the Pythagorean theorem out and figure that out. That would be patriotic, wouldn't it? Pythagorus -- the guy who invented that theorem -- wasn't he American? Maybe I could turn the clock back far enough that I would be able to meet him." And with that, finally, we had the Olympic committee's attention. "I have to admit I'm a little scared that he can turn it back," Bavasi told Week in Review this week. "I'm not sure he's that talented, but if anybody could do it, it might be him. "I just want to hear him recite that Pythagorean theorem," Bavasi went on. "I just want to hear him do that one time. If he does, I'll get him a shirt. How about that? I'll get him an official Olympic polo shirt. And if he gets the shirt, the pants can't be that far behind." Armed with that exciting bulletin, we then tracked down Candaele, who was in scenic Newark, N.J., with his Atlantic League juggernaut, the Nashua Pride. And he admitted that while he'd been working on time travel in the last week, he wasn't exactly Dr. Peabody. "Hey, I made it to Newark, anyway," he said. "I don't know if that's back in time or forward in time. All I know is that time has elapsed. I am moving. But back in time? I don't know. I'll have to look at my birth certificate to see how hold I am." Candaele also admitted he hadn't had much success talking with his idol, Pythagorus, either. "I did talk to a guy named Pete in Nashua who said he knew him -- in that six-degrees-of-separation kind of way," Candaele reported. "He knew a great-grandfather of a great-grandfather whose great-grandfather talked to him, or something like that. So it was kind of like talking to him. It was just like being there." Yeah, kind of. Except for one thing. He forgot to ask about that theorem. And now he needs to recite it -- in order to get his official Olympic polo shirt. "I'd get a polo shirt, huh?" he said. "Would it have the horse with the guy on it? Or would it have the Olympic rings? Or would it have the guy on the horse hitting the Olympic rings around with a polo stick? What constitutes an Olympic polo shirt, anyway? Would you buy it at the Olympic store? "But if it was an official shirt, would I get to be an official at the Olympics? Hey, that would be great. I'm gonna go tell all the guys I'm an Olympic official. But if I'm an official, what would I be judging?" Oh, there are numerous options there, most of them having to do with bribing other Olympic officials, we're sure. But that's another story. Back here in this tale, Candaele said he'd be interested in judging rhythmic gymnastics. "I could do that," he said. "Ever see them playing around with those little swoop-de-doos, all those streamers swinging around, and then rolling around with a ball and all that stuff? That would be a great sport to judge. You can tell how they're doing by how the streamers fly through the air. You look to see if there's cohesiveness. If they don't do it properly, you can tell. It's obvious. Then I'd get to deduct points and stuff." Whoa. How cool would that be? Or then there's another glamorous Olympic official position -- those guys who run around during the javelin competition and plant flags in the ground. Candaele has always wanted to do that, too. "Yeah, I could be an official at the javelin and maybe get stuck by one and sue the Olympics and own the entire stadium," he said. "That's the American way, you know: Try to do something stupid and blame somebody else to get paid for it. "That would be a really big deal -- especially if I was wearing my official Olympic polo shirt. Then I could get a big advertising deal from Polo -- lying on the ground with a javelin stuck in me in my Olympic polo shirt." Now we have to admit, when we started this crusade, we envisioned something a little more uplifting than an ad campaign featuring a 5-foot-9 guy with a javelin in his back. We were thinking more of a Rudy type of tale -- or at least Rudy meets Bonnie Blair. But at least in Candaele's eyes, we're making progress. "I feel better now," he said. "You've gotta thank Bill Bavasi for me, for making me an Olympic official. I think the pressure's getting to him. I can feel him crumbling. He's giving me stuff." So Candaele has urged us -- and everyone -- to keep the pressure mounting, for as long as it takes to make his Olympic dreams come true. "My strategy is to just keep bothering the guy for as long as it takes," he said. "I think we'll know if we've gone too far. You can tell because usually, it gets you arrested. Or a restraining order. One of the two." Well, so far. No policemen have knocked on our door. And no subpoenas have been sneaked under our salad plates. So the Candaele for Sydney campaign rolls on -- at least until the proper authorities can't take any more. Pirogi of the week A mere week ago, he looked like one of the heartwarming feel-good baseball stories of the year 2000: A poor, downtrodden pirogi loses 46 races in a row, then reaches deep beneath his potato skin for the champion inside him -- and finally wins, as thousands weep with joy. Yes, we are talking, friends, about the once-inspirational Sauerkraut Saul, whose 46-race losing streak in the Pirates' nightly pirogi race in Pittsburgh's Three Rivers Stadium had made him America's most beloved pirogi. But now, alas, we regret to report that Saul's story has taken an ugly turn. It was one thing for Saul to win a race. Or even two in a row. Or even three in a row. But when a pirogi loses 46 straight, then turns around to win eight in a row and 10 of his next 11 races -- as Saul has somehow done -- well, we know when something smells a little funny in this kitchen. And we're not the only ones. Dick Jerardi, an award-winning racing writer at the Philadelphia Daily News, revealed to Week in Review he has quietly begun a major investigation into Saul's "miraculous" turnaround. "Look," Jerardi told us, "when you lose 46 in a row, the form is pretty much established. You pretty much know this pirogi is a bum. But now, not only does he win eight in a row -- but he does it against the same competition that beat him 46 in a row? Come on. Something's up." Meanwhile, this matter also has drawn the attention of Ken Kirchner, former executive secretary of the Pennsylvania Racing Commission. "There is no doubt that this matter requires futher investigation," Kirchner said, in an exclusive statement to Week in Review's Special Pirogi Unit. "Forty-six straight losses -- and now 8 wins in a row? I'd like to know if any special herbs and spices have been added to Sauerkraut Saul. "We may also want to look to see if there have been any strange betting patterns among the appetizers, who have been known to get things started. The public deserves to know the truth, and the Commission will respond accordingly." Now Sauerkraut Saul began life in a deep fryer, so he knows what heat feels like. When he was contacted by Week in Review investigators, he was squirming from the get-go. "I'm tired of the media bothering me all the time," grumbled Saul, who continues to sound suspiciously like Pirates media-relations assistant Ben Bouma. "I'm getting all these interview requests from all over the country. It's wearing me out. I don't know why there are all these raised eyebrows. "It's like I told you before. It's like Northwestern football. They stunk for a long time, too. Then they won the Rose Bowl two years in a row (actually, the Big Ten two years in a row). And nobody drug-tested [Darnell] Autry." Yes, but Dennis Autry was out there -- real and human He was no pirogi, hiding beneath his cheese, his dough and sauerkraut. So it may be time to take Saul apart, ingredient by ingredient. But Saul already has begun to point fingers, even before any fingers formally have been pointed by him. "Hey, maybe the reason I'm losing is that some of the drugs the other pirogis may have taken in spring training are catching up to them in midseason," he said, shiftily. "I could very well be the only clean pirogi. Did you ever think of that?" Saul then tried to claim the pirogi collective-bargaining agreement prohibits random drug testing. "I demand my rights as an athletic pirogi," he said. But he'll be terrified to learn that the investigation has already expanded beyond illegal seasonings. "The first thing I would do," Jerardi said, "is call for an immediate review of the videotape to see if this pirogi is actually the same one that lost the first 46 races. I think we have a possible pirogi switch." But Saul claimed that would be impossible -- "because there are only three of us. And that's true. Trust me. We've looked all over the streets of Pittsburgh for some female pirogis, and there are none. So there ain't no other pirogis we could switch with." Hmm. Maybe. Maybe not. But you can bet this investigation is a long way from over. "If I uncover this, this is Pulitzer Prize material," Jerardi said. "I don't think there's any question. All the other awards I've won would probably pale in comparison if I could get to the bottom of this." All will be quiet on the Sauerkraut Saul front for a while now, as the Pirates hit the road. But when they return, Saul had better run faster than he's ever run before -- because it isn't just two guys in pirogi suits who are chasing him now. Wild pitches Box score line of the week (AL division) It's safe to say Tigers pitcher Brian Moehler doesn't love Texas quite as much as, say, Roger Staubach. His line July 28 at the Ballpark at Arlington: 2 2/3 IP, 11 H, 10 R, 10 ER, 2 BB, 2 K, 1 HR, just 69 pitches to give up 10 earned runs -- fewest thrown all season by a man with a 10 ER in his line. Moehler gave up more runs (eight) in the third inning than he'd ever allowed in any previous start. He's now 2-5, 8.37 ERA, over his last two Julys. So when the July 31 trade-deadline day came and went, he jokingly told Booth Newspapers' Danny Knobler: "That's why I don't pitch good in July -- so I don't get traded." Box score line of the week (NL divison) How did highly regarded Padres pitcher Matt Clement wind up in so many trade rumors? Because of starts like July 28 in Pittsburgh: 3 1/3 IP, 6 H, 10 R, 9 ER, 4 BB, 4 K, 2 HR. Clement's three-word review of his performance: "I stunk tonight." Box score line of the week (comeback division) After three spectacular months in Triple-A, Bob Scanlan made it back to the big leagues with the Brewers last weekend. Then he went out to face the Colorado Rockies last Saturday night -- and produced this line: 1 IP, 6 H, 6 R, 5 ER, 0 BB, 1 K. Believe it or not, Scanlan managed to allow as many runs in one inning in the big leagues as he'd allowed all season -- in 45 2/3 innings -- in the minors. "I can guarantee," said manager Davey Lopes, "he wasn't throwing like that in Triple-A." Throwbacks of the week The night after the aforementioned Clement disaster, the Padres had even a worse night. They got mixed up in one of those dreaded Turn Back the Clock Nights in Pittsburgh, and it wasn't a fair fight from the start. The Pirates got to wear the uniforms of their 1960 World Series champs. But the Padres can't turn back the clock that far because their clock only started in 1969. So they had to wear the brown-paper-bag motif of their 1969 forefathers -- and played just like them. That team lost 110 games. This team lost 10-2, prompting a tremendous flurry of Turn Back the Clock humor: It isn't easy to hit .366 and have nine RBI all season. But innovative Marlins leadoff man Luis Castillo has performed that very feat. He's barely trailing Todd Helton in the batting race -- by four points. But he's trailing Helton in RBI, 87-9. So Castillo is chasing two records nobody wants to break: fewest RBI in a season (450 at-bats or more) -- 12, by '71 Padres shortstop Enzo Hernandez; and fewest RBI by a batting champ -- 27, by Matty Alou in 1966. But Wednesday, Castillo damaged his pursuit of both records with a game-winning two-run single in the ninth inning, which gave him his first multi-RBI game since Aug. 6, 1999. He's now hitting .426 with no runners to distract him -- but .214 with men on. "He just has to forget there's anybody on base," manager John Boles proposed, "trick himself until he's got this thing down." Paper trail of the week How does an undrafted pitcher who was signed in a Denny's restaurant last year make it to the big leagues faster than all but one (Barry Zito) of the 20 pitchers drafted in the 1999 first round? It's an amazing story. But Tigers rookie Adam Bernero pulled it off this week And after throwing 5 1/3 innings of two-run baseball against the Angels on Tuesday, Bernero told the amazing story of how he signed his contract. As a fifth-year senior at Armstrong State in Georiga, Bernero was eligible to be signed before the June draft. He finished his last game for Armstrong State in May of '99, after which Tigers scout Gary York followed the team bus to a Denny's in Jacksonville, Fla. Then York got Bernero to sign his contract -- on a napkin. "He said, 'This is what it says on a contract. You've got to believe me,'" Bernero said. "I thought, 'This looks pretty valid.' " Baserunning clinic of the week Wednesday in Chicago, the Cubs pulled off quite a feat -- even by traditional Cubs standards. In the seventh inning, their first five hitters all reached base. And they still wound up with more outs (two) than runs (one). How? Willie Greene rounded second too far on one hit -- and got thrown out trying to get back. Later, Eric Young passed Brant Brown on the bases for a second out. "We looked like the Bad News Bears out there running the bases," manager Don Baylor said. Bullpen eliminator of the week If we could pick two words to sum up exactly what every bullpen would love to see happen the day after a 19-inning game, it would be these two: Pedro Martinez. So sure enough, on Wednesday, the night after six Red Sox relievers had combined to pitch 10 innings and throw 156 pitches, out marched the great Pedro in Seattle to do what all heroic figures do in games like this: He went all nine innings. He may not get a tickertape parade for it. But he deserves something extra. "For this one," Red Sox pitching coach Joe Kerrigan told the Boston Globe's Dan Shaughnessy, "he gets a win and a save." Hit man of the week Royals outfielder Johnny Damon just finished July with 50 hits -- making him only the fourth player since 1990 to get that many hits in one month. And nobody could put that in better perspective than his teammate, Gregg Zaun. His career high for a season is 56 hits. "What did he go -- 50-for-110 in July?" Zaun asked Bloomberg's Jerry Crasnick. "That's a joke. That's sickening." Double-switch of the week One of the great charms of the always-confusing Tigers is that they play great against the Yankees and Indians -- and seem to get their brains beat in by the, uh, lesser teams. So as they looked ahead to a new homestand, starting this weekend against the Twins, Bobby Higginson said he was worried about that trend continuing. "I'd just as soon they'd be the Twins," he said, "but maybe wearing the Yankee uniforms." Canseco brother of the week And now one final report from the Atlantic League, from our favorite Atlantic League correspondent, Nashua utility humorist Casey Candaele. Candaele had the thrill of being present Wednesday when Ozzie (Brother of Jose) Canseco set the all-time Atlantic League record (OK, three years' worth of all-time) for home runs in a season, with his 34th of the year. Unfortunately, Candaele just didn't know how thrilled he was at the time. "I should have grabbed the ball and tried to sell it for a million bucks or something," he said. "Except I didn't even know it was Atlantic League history. I heard them announce something, but the sound system sounded like the drive-thru at Jack-in-the-Box. I thought he said: 'Bmppphh grxxxtek bmphhh lxxnff.' " Trivia answer Greg Maddux, Tom Glavine, Mike Mussina, Pedro Martinez, Pat Hentgen. Jayson Stark is a senior writer at ESPN.com. Week in Review appears each Friday. | ALSO SEE Jayson Stark archive Stark: Winners, losers, and then some | ||||||||
