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October 11, 2002
Knight in shining armor
ESPN The Magazine |
News item: Former Indiana University president Myles Brand named NCAA prez. We got a look at his agenda.
Quintuple investigations budget for rural Texas. Put Neil Reed on the case.
| ![Brian Dennehy](http://sportsmed.starwave.com/i/magazine/new/brand_20021011.jpg) | Sorry Mr. Dennehy, but your work isn't welcome at NCAA headquarters. |
Retroactively declare subjects of ESPN original motion pictures in violation of NCAA extra-publicity rules.
Amend licensing code to outlaw red sweaters. Black ones, too.
Enact NCAA anti-swearing rules: Three violations = death penalty.
Double-secret probation for all loud fat guys.
Consider age limit for coaches: 61 years, 350 days sounds about right.
Throw the book at chair-tossers.
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