PARIS -- The cold and the rain came to the French Open on Saturday, but not before Serena Williams slapped around Hungary's Zsofia Gubacsi 6-1, 6-2 quickly enough so that she could get in some shopping.

Blessedly, Serena did not have to explain yet again whether she and the dear, departed Venus Williams got in a sissy-fit and scratched their braids and their eyes out or where she and LaVar Arrington might be honeymooning. So Little Sis merely held forth on the perils of consumerism.

"Unfortunately, I can't seem to stop shopping," she said. "Now that I won't go shopping outside because I try to stay inside and save my energy, I've started shopping online. It's gotten really bad. I don't know what to do anymore. I can't stop. I'm always online, credit card out. It's tough."

You on eBay, babe?

"No, that's Venus," Serena said. "Every time she comes home, I'm: 'Where did you get this at?' (And she's:) 'eBay.' It's really annoying. She's eBay and I'm online. Clothes, bags. I love sending people flowers. I'll find no reason just to send someone flowers. It can get pretty expensive at times. Books. There's always books that I love to read. So I buy books online. I can't wait to get home to open these packages.

So you're a shopaholic or something?

"I'm afraid I'm already a shopaholic. Fortunately enough, I'm no longer in denial. The first step to bettering yourself is getting out of denial. I'm out of denial. Hopefully, I'll be able to move to the second step."

Do you have a budget?

"I have a budget. But it's not been going very well for me. There's this watch that I wanted to get, but unfortunately I spent a lot of money shopping yesterday. I maybe won't be able to get the watch. Maybe I can convince Venus to buy it for me or something."

Or maybe play doubles together again someday?

***

Like ... somebody's counting:
Williams the Younger is on track for a quarterfinals engagement with Jennifer Capriati, who whipped Mirjana Lucic 6-3, 6-1 in less time than it took to ... like, I mean ... you know ... like ... explain it. Williams beat the Capster on clay in the German Open two years ago, but that was before Girl Interrupted -- who got fat and happy dating the ponytailed Johnny Depp wannabe Xavier Malisse -- abandoned her excess baggage and started her extraordinary comeback. Since then Jenny has whipped Serena twice on the hardcourts of the Ericsson in Miami (2000 and 2001) and, as the shocking winner of the Australian Open in January, of course, she is the only woman left with a chance to win the Grand Slam.

"Maybe I'm considered more, like, a favorite than before," she said. "But it's really not that much, I mean, different ... You know, like, before it's, like, coming into a Grand Slam, it seems so long ... It's just two weeks, I mean, you don't know if it can last. You know, I did it. That's just one thing that's prepared me for it. I mean, like, I no longer, you know, think about that."

Fortunately, for the statistically-inclined, Capriati has not lost her mind-boggling ability to string incoherent thoughts all along the watchtower. In answers to 12 questions Saturday, Capriati rattled off 21 "you knows" as well as five "I mean's" -- according to Mark Winters, who's covering the French for Oakland-based Inside Tennis. This did not approach her 18 "you knows" in answers to only six questions after her second-round match earlier this week. However: "I put Jen at 51 You-Knows and 21 I-Means over 32 questions so far in the tournament," Winters said. "I think she has a real shot at the all-time tournament record."

Peculiarly, Winters is not keeping tabs on "Likes."

***

Daughter dis:
When Jelena Dokic, the 18-year-old from Yugoslavia by way of Australia who won the Italian Open a couple of weeks ago, was beaten by Rita Kuti Kis (ranked 61) in the 2000 Australian Open, she unleashed one of the sweetest post-mortems of modern sportswomenship. "She's not a player and she never will be a player," Dokic meowed.

Late Friday night, the 15th seed was knocked out of another Grand Slam, this time by Petra Mandula, ranked 131. "I spoke to Rita before the match and she gave me some good advice," said Mandula following her 3-6, 6-4, 6-4 victory. "I don't know what (Jelena) said about me, but I hope not the same. I'm sure she already changed her opinion about Rita. I hope she didn't say anything like this about me."

Nice thought. But?

"The way (Mandula) plays, it usually suits me," Dokic said. "She doesn't do very much. It was just a matter of getting balls in. You know, she didn't have a huge serve or return. It was just -- I do give her credit. But everything that she won was my mistakes. I didn't keep any balls in. I played, like, a player who's outside (the ranking of) 100, 200. This is a player I shouldn't have lost to. To lose to someone today like this, at a Grand Slam, makes it even worse."

Dokic's father, Damir, is the sometimes inebriated fellow who at his daughter's tournaments has blocked traffic, broken a reporter's cell phone, grabbed a photographer by the throat and thrown his order of fish at a cafeteria waiter at the U.S. Open, forcing authorities to evict him from most civilized premises. Subsequently banned from WTA tour events -- but now back -- Dokic pere was everywhere at Roland Garros. Alas, now that daughter dearest is gone from the French, we'll have to wait another year for Dad's own grand slammer.

***

Gossip dot central covers the waterfront:
Speaking of magic moments we'd like to see. That supposed rift between former doubles partners Martina Hingis and Anna Kournikova? That squealing locker room tiff they got into at an exhibition last fall -- when Anna supposedly ragged Martina about her breakup with Magnus Norman and Martina responded by hurling some dishware?

Anything to any of that?

"Not that I know of," Hingis said on Saturday. "I'm not aware of anything like that, no."

Oh, sorry.

Maybe it was an order of fish.

***

Dolt of the day:
U.S. Open Champion Marat Safin, 21, the No. 2 seed here was upset 6-1 in the fifth set by Fabrice Santoro, the two-hands, both-sides magician from Tahiti (who has now beaten the Russian six of seven matches). Afterward Safin refused to meet the press, incurring a fine of $10,000. So reporters had to, excuse the expression again, fish out his classic remark from earlier in the week. "Maybe my brain is less than 21 years old. ... But I think that makes me feel good. I am happy with this."

Curry Kirkpatrick, a senior writer for ESPN The Magazine, first covered the French Open in 1976. E-mail him at curry.kirkpatrick@espnmag.com.