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Sunday, May 21
He's so genuine, he'll be plastic




The great racehorses end up in Kentucky, having sex.

The legendary racehorses receive that accommodation, but their ultimate and most glorious destination is Las Vegas, Nev. If ever there was a litmus test for a casino's care for the sport, it is whether the establishment in question reserves a corner space for thoroughbreds immortal.

It's there that the greatest of the great are rendered in miniature plastic, set on a track under a glass dome.

I could have retired betting Seabiscuit in the early 1980's, if not for the eight-quarter limit on bets.

That's the minimum bet for the Preakness. And prospects are that Fusaichi Pegasus will return pennies on the dollar. Players seeking greater riches have been looking for a reason to bet against the favorite. There's a process of seeking a reason in order to gain comfort for betting a Shetland Pony against a would-be Secretariat.

One place they looked Friday evening was to the sky. Questions abounded about what more rain on Saturday would mean. It would mean the customers would get wet on Saturday. Obviously, this is why the Las Vegas tracks have plexi-glass lids.

The most tangible benefit to those who'll chase Pegasus is that the silks will get covered in mud, thereby masking identities and delaying embarrassment until the official chart comes out.

The decision by trainer Neil Drysdale to house his colt on the backside rather than in the Stakes Barn had far reaching ramifications. Reporters had to ruin their shoes walking across the track in order to gain an audience with Drysdale, who could make a living as a professional hostile witness.

Attorney: What did you see?
Drysdale: Nothing extraordinary.
Attorney: Please clarify for the court.
Drysdale: I don't see the merit.
Attorney: Your honor, please instruct the witness to answer my questions.
Judge: Overruled. The witness has a potential miniature plastic horse.

After ruining my shoes, I did get that audience with Drysdale. He told me his colt had lost some weight after the Derby. Proving his training genius, Drysdale ordered that Fusaichi be fed.

But when he led me around the barn to take a look at Pegasus eating oats, we discovered the animal was again showing his defiant side. He wasn't eating. He was "listening to the races," according to Drysdale. The trainer had obviously inhaled some second-hand lasix, because Pegasus was clearly listening to the post parade.

Drysale left to do something more important than dismiss my stupid questions.

This allowed for some time with the guy who's actually ridden Pegasus far more often then his jockey Kent Desormeaux. The exercise rider Andy Durnin let it out of the bag. He told me what Drysdale wouldn't, what I thought I already knew.

Durnin told me he has seen a plastic horse race in Las Vegas, Nev. He also explained what it's like to be aboard Pegasus. It is the ultimate compliment a rider can give a horse and one Durnin believes he'll never give again. He said, "I've never felt anything like it."

It was at this point that I realized while Drysdale rarely gives away much information, what he does give is gospel. It was at this point that Fusaichi Pegasus was listening to a race. His ears were pricked. He gave a few energetic stomps. He seemed to have enjoyed the race. Down the way another horse let out some kind of horse noise. Pegasus made some kind of reply.

Horse #2: Hey, Peg. That was some horse race.
Pegasus: I can spend all day at the track.
Horse #2: Listen, Peg. If that George W. guy comes around like he did in Louisville, tell him I've got a plan to save Social Security.
Pegasus: What's that?
Horse #2: They should put the entire trust fund on you to show.
Pegasus: Show?
Horse #2: Just to be safe. You never know in horse racing.
Pegasus: Wouldn't that create a minus pool? I'm trying to save racing, not break it.
Horse #2: OK. Tell W. and tell Al Gore, too. Tell 'em to bet it all. Bet it all to win.
Pegasus: Thanks man. I'm humbled.
Horse #2: You're the best.
Pegasus: Thanks. My trainer says one day I'm going to be plastic in Las Vegas after I have sex in Kentucky. He says I'm going to race Secretariat.
Horse #2: Like you're not already.

(Post-race editor's note. Kenny admits he was wrong about the Preakness. He continues to endorse plastic horse racing in Las Vegas and sex in Kentucky).

Mayne joined ESPN in 1994 and currently hosts SportsCenter.




 




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