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 Monday, September 22 |
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Elimination round for MLB By Greg Smallwood Special to ESPNRadio.com Editor's Note: Here's the winning listener suggestion for MLB commissioner-in -waiting Mike Greenberg. For his thoughts, Mr. Smallwood earned the right to be the Listener Locks participant for NFL Week 3.
Commissioner Greenberg: First, we have to decide who is eliminated from playoff consideration.
Both Chicago teams and Boston are eliminated because everyone knows they won't win anyway, so there's no point in stringing their fans along. Toronto and Montreal are eliminated because they're in Canada (well, Montreal is there part of the time) -- this is America's national pastime.
Florida and Tampa Bay are eliminated because nobody in their home markets cares, so why should we? The Yankees are eliminated in the "best interests of baseball" -- with their salary structure, they upset the competitive balance. Atlanta is eliminated because they've won their division twelve years in a row. It's like hogging the swingsets on the playground -- it's time for someone else to get a turn. Cleveland and Detroit are eliminated because it's too cold there in October. Philadelphia and St. Louis are eliminated because their managers are so much smarter than all of the other managers -- just ask them. Houston is eliminated because they chose to associate with Enron. The Mets are eliminated because everyone west of the Hudson River hates them, and they and their fans are too arrogant to realize it. All of the small market teams are eliminated because the networks don't want them in the playoffs, and the networks rule (just check the start times for the games). That eliminates Minnesota, Kansas City, Pittsburgh, Cincinnati, and Milwaukee. Actually, Milwaukee gets eliminated twice, just to make sure that no team with a tie to Bud Selig ever makes the playoffs. All of the western division teams are eliminated because the networks have insisted that all playoff games be played at night, and must start at 8:30 Eastern Time. Since those games would have to start at 5:30 Pacific Time, they aren't really night games, so they can't be played. Texas and Colorado aren't actually in the Pacific time zone, but they chose to be in the western divisions, so tough! OK, now that we've eliminated all of the non-contenders, we can set up our playoff structure. No teams left? Oh well -- October is football season. We shouldn't be bothered with baseball playoffs in October anyway.
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