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| Thursday, May 31 Broadcasting: Baseball's apprentice program By Ray Ratto Special to ESPN.com |
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Felipe Alou was finally gassed Thursday, learning the very important lesson that being the last man on the Titanic doesn't make you any less wet.
But it's not Alou's demise that concerns us here. He was wrongfully terminated by an owner with the attention span of a newt, but that's the risk you run when you work for an owner . . . well, with the attention span of a newt. In fact, it is his replacement, the august (and bordering on early September) Jeff Torborg, who piques interest here, because he comes whole from the broadcast booth, where apparently all wisdom lies. Torborg is the fifth broadcaster/manager among the current managerial roster, the other four being Bob Brenly, Joe Torre, Larry Dierker and Buck Martinez. That means there are more broadcasters going from second-guessers to first-guessers than there are African-Americans, Hispanics, bald men, men with size-eight hats, men who walk like they need three hip replacements, men with the last name Manuel, and just as many as have managed a World Series champion. Thus, we are led to conclude . . . well, that all the rumors you may have heard about Larry Rothschild, Carlos Tosca, Ken Macha and all the other usual managerial rumor bait are wrong. We can, in fact, compile a list of baseball's future managers right here, without talking to a single scout, general manager, or (as is far more often the case) the baseball writer sitting next to us.
As you can see, all the names on the right are those of former players. As you can see but almost surely don't care, all the names on the right are members of that team's broadcast crew. There are more ex-players, mind you, 26 others to be precise, but this list is based on the following factors:
For instance, Flanagan is approved over Jim Palmer because he was once a pitching coach. Matthews is noted over either John Cerutti or Pat Tabler because he was once a hitting coach. Larry Andersen gets the job in Philly because, well, he's all there is. Sure, there are some odd choices here. Jerry Coleman managed once in San Diego, but by his own admission was sadly underclubbed. Still, he at least sat there, as opposed to either Rick Sutcliffe or Mark Grant. Tom Grieve used to be the general manager in Texas, but again, he's all there is. Joe Nuxhall is in his 70s, but the only alternatives are Chris Welsh, who won 22 games in the big leagues and teaches pitching on the side, and Marty Brennaman, the play-by-play man who is entirely too short for the job. And while we're at it, isn't it odd that the only Hispanic broadcaster who could be considered under this list is Houston's Alex Trevino? Apparently not, but we digress. We have also eliminated network people like Joe Morgan (doesn't want it), Brian McRae (Dad's already got a gig), Mike Macfarlane (still a couple of years away), Jon Miller (imitates anyone, could turn into Casey Stengel or Earl Weaver without warning) and Peter Gammons (enough's enough, OK?). We could include Fox's Kevin Kennedy or Steve Lyons, but why should any of them get a job that plainly is promised to Bob Uecker or Claude Raymond? But the point is made, and just in time for Felipe Alou to learn a new trade in time for his next job. Maybe he can apprentice by becoming the hilarious sidekick on "Win Ben Stein's Money." Ray Ratto of the San Francisco Chronicle is a regular contributor to ESPN.com |
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