Cheever

This is new to me, this notion of not driving in the Indianapolis 500.

For the past 13 years, every morning in May had the same routine. I would get up, look out the bedroom window and figure out the wind. How hard it was blowing, whether it was north, south, east or west -- I was the anemometer. When I first raced here, I drove horrible cars. The wind only made it worse, so I learned early on to gauge the wind before I ever got to the track.

Some things never change. When I woke up last Sunday -- the first day of practice for the 87th Indy 500 -- I looked out the window and checked the wind. Then I thought, "Who cares? It's not my problem anymore."

From that moment on, my entire relationship with the idea of not driving in this Indianapolis 500 has changed dramatically. I'm comfortable with it. The only driving I've done is taking Buddy Rice -- who's staying at my house -- to the track in the morning and back home at night. I'm OK with that.

You only realize how much intensity is required to focus on this event as a driver when you don't do it anymore. It's not just an intellectual focus; it's a physical focus. You want to get to the track and get started. It is all consuming. Every minute of every day is about driving the car around the 2.5 miles that make up the Indianapolis Motor Speedway.

You build up an amazing amount of tension, and you are always looking for a release. When I was a driver, I got that release from an explosive lap, or a good full tank run, or leading the race. Now my explosive lap is walking back to the pits. When we're out in the pits and Buddy lays down a good lap, I always crack the same joke.

"I could have done better."

The first two or three times I said it, Kelly Loewen, our engineer, looked at me like I'd just bumped my head. It's my way of lightening the tension. People think I'm itching to drive, but I'm not. Since we've been here this month, I've never once thought I wanted to be in the car. With everything that's going on -- operating the team, overseeing new business ventures, tutoring a new driver -- it would have been hard for me to put in the dedication necessary to drive.

So what has changed for me now that I'm out of the car? Well, I've had wine with dinner twice this week, something I've never done in May in 13 years. When I'm hungry now, I enjoy a donut. I never would have eaten one before. I spend much more time with the engineers and mechanics than I ever did before.

On top of that, I'm working with the local ABC affiliate here in Indy on daily television reports, so I can tell everybody what I think. I never could have done that before, because I had to race against these guys. Nothing is dumber than antagonizing a driver. Unless you're not a driver anymore. Then it's a lot of fun.

Yesterday, I sat on the timing stand and tried not to come unglued. All a team owner wants is to go fast and win races. To do that, we need to do what every other fast car has done: pick up a tow from a car in front. That's what I wanted Buddy to do.

So there I was, doing my best imitation of Chip Ganassi (my rookie year team owner). "Go faster! Go faster!" I'm biting my tongue, trying not to be too belligerent and demanding. Buddy has just done a decent time, more than 228 mph, and he's coming into a tow. However, since he's reached the end of his test run, he dives into the pits. My first instinct was to explode. I pulled an A.J. and had a "discussion" with the engineer for about 20 seconds. By the time I got to Buddy, it was comical. I thought, "My God, I've turned into the maniacal car owner."

I apologized later, but it's a learning process for me. I'm learning to delegate authority and trust others' decisions. This is a different position. I'm used to participating, not watching. I'm used to playing, not coaching.

Still, I've never wavered on my decision. At least for this year. I'm not saying I'm done racing. I'm just done racing for one Indy 500. I might come back. You never know. Depends on which way the wind blows.

IRL IndyCar Series owner Eddie Cheever Jr. owns the No. 52 Red Bull Cheever Racing Dallara Chevrolet driven by Buddy Rice. He provides a diary to ESPN.com. Cheever's team Web site can be found at www.cheeverindyracing.com.