Now we know what to get John Rocker for Christmas.

What the heck was John Rocker thinking when he called two male patrons in a Dallas restaurant "fruitcakes"?

A. "Can't someone with a well-documented distaste for homosexuals call people 'fruitcakes' without being hassled?"

B. "Actually, I only meant it in the way you'd call a very close friend a fruitcake."

C. "I thought they were waiters, and I was ordering my dessert."

D. "Anything that detracts attention from my pitching is fine by me."

E. "That damn gay mafia, when are they going to stop following me?"

F. "I stopped mocking Jews, people of color, single mothers, and AIDS victims. Isn't a man allowed one vice?"