Faster than you can say "investigation," a new party game is sweeping the Frat Rows and off-campus apartments of colleges across the country, inspired by recent coaching extracurricular activities.

Play along!

(But, as always, please act responsibly ... because so many college coaches have not.)

Take one sip: AD interviewed on TV
Take two sips: Alumni interviewed on TV
Chug the whole thing: School president goes on "20/20"

Take one sip: There's a bar involved
Take two sips: There's a frat house involved
Chug the whole thing: There's a strip club involved

Take one sip: Press conference scheduled
Take two sips: Press stake-out at coach's house
Chug the whole thing: Impromptu press conference on 18th hole

Take one sip: Internal investigation
Take two sips: Media investigation
Chug the whole thing: "Legal counsel on Line 1"

Social! Everybody take a sip: If anyone involved in the scandal says, "Mistakes were made."

Take one sip: Read an internet rumor
Take two sips: Start an internet rumor
Chug the whole thing: You're the subject of an internet rumor

Take one sip: The sorority is mad
Take two sips: Your wife is mad
Chug the whole thing: The madam is happy

Take one sip: Coach's contract worth less than $1 million
Take two sips: Coach's contract worth more than $1 million
Chug the whole thing: No contract signed yet

Social! Everybody take a sip: If anyone involved in the scandal says, "Vow to fight."

Take one sip: Cash payouts involved
Take two sips: Credit cards involved
Chug the whole thing: Expense accounts involved

Take one sip: Athlete in your class
Take two sips: Coach teaching the class
Chug the whole thing: Athlete teaching the class

Take one sip: Sketchy admissions policy
Take two sips: Sketchy grades policy
Chug the whole thing: Coach hires own kid

Social! Everybody take a sip: If anyone involved in the scandal says, "Another blow to the program."

Take one sip: Coach takes fall
Take two sips: AD takes fall
Chug the whole thing: Mascot takes fall

Take one sip: Coach says, "I'm happy right here"
Take two sips: Coach says, "It's my dream job"
Chug the whole thing: Coach says, "See ya ... wouldn't wanna be ya!"

Take one sip: Coach hits the frat party
Take two sips: Coach gets a frat bid
Chug the whole thing: Coach elected pledge-class president

Take one sip: TV analyst calls for ouster
Take two sips: Newspaper editorial calls for ouster
Chug the whole thing: Even Page 2 mocks you

Social! Everybody take a sip: If anyone involved in the scandal says, "The stripper's name was ..."

Dan Shanoff is a columnist for Page 2. His "Daily Quickie" commentary appears every weekday morning.