Give these guys some cred
By Ted Kluck
Special to Page 2

Street Cred. The indefinable phrase on the lips of every shoe company executive these days. It's especially pertinent now, coming on the heels of Kobe Bryant's brush with the police in Colorado and the subsequent speculation about the arrest's impact on his "street cred." So to help bring this all into focus, we've devised an all-star team of NBA personalities who have serious cred deficiencies, and we've countered it with a second group that we call our "All Street-Cred Team."

If they ever meet on the floor, you'll know who the kids will be rooting for.

Here is your Cred-O-Meter scoring key:

WH = Wild Hair
T = Tattoos
U = Urban Upbringing
P = Police Trouble

Kobe Bryant
It's that Italian thing, really; if Kobe spoke Norwegian, he'd have more Street Cred.

The No-Cred All-Stars

Guard: Kobe Bryant (P)
Raised in Italy, speaks the language fluently (both English and Italian), educated at the best schools ... you know the drill. The guy in your frat whose dad handed him the family business has more street cred than Kobe. A sexual assault charge will not help in this area.

Guard: John Stockton (WH -- his bowl cut can be considered wild)
This guy has about as much street cred as Mr. Rogers. Combine the short shorts, the haircut, and the fact that he hasn't dunked since the first Bush administration was in office and you can see why he leads our squad. He's great- basketball-meets-the-cardigan.

Forward: Tim Duncan (T)
While his colleagues are getting thrown in jail, sitting for new tattoos, and doing shoe commercials with regularity, Dunc's last endorsement deal was for shaving cream. Created the Tim Duncan Foundation and held a golf tournament to raise money for charity. Received his college degree in Psychology.

Forward: Karl Malone
The Mailman listens to country music and drives semi-trucks in his spare time. 'Nuff said. Except that he lives in Utah where there are hardly any streets, much less cred. Plus, he owns a cattle ranch in Arkansas, on which he bales hay and brands cows with his brother. Just signed a lucrative shoe deal with the Dingo Boot Company.

Center: Todd MacCulloch
This scintillating big man has plenty of street cred ... in North Dakota. Look for the MacCulloch Street Force 2000 work shoe on shelves this fall.

Coach: Rick Carlisle
A coach-of-the-year candidate takes his team to the Eastern Conference Finals and is subsequently fired because he "can't get along with players." Go figure.

The All-Cred All-Stars

Damon Stoudamire and Rasheed Wallace
Damon and Rasheed give new meaning to the words "Trail Blazers."

Guard: Damon Stoudamire (T, P, U)
If only he played on the '86 Mets. It just isn't a normal month without a "Stoudamire Arrested for Drug Possession" headline.

Guard: Allen Iverson (WH, T, P, U)
AI seems to have invented street cred. He walks the fine line between great game and the right amount of police trouble. And his police troubles are of the "cool" variety (fights, parties, people thrown into the street naked, etc.) rather than the depressing or alarming (sexual assault, drug addiction).

Forward: Ron Artest (T, P, U)
Ron Artest never met a tantrum he didn't like. He's angry. And as any good shoe executive can tell you, kids respond to angry.

Forward: Ricky Davis (WH, T, P, U)
This guy is crazy ... and he has the hair to match. And nothing sells better than insanity in combination with crazy hair. A shame that he plays for the worst team in the league.

Center: Rasheed Wallace (WH, T, P, U)
Combine drug charges, wild hair, tattoos, and a gun-waving incident in the parking lot last season and you have the king of street cred.

Coach: John Lucas
This one is a no-brainer. All the players love him, which is your first red flag.





ALSO SEE:


Ted Kluck Archive

Your guide to street cred





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