Page 2's Legal Affairs Department reports that William Ligue Jr. pleaded "not guilty" late last week to multiple felony charges stemming from his alleged assault on Kansas City Royals first-base coach Tom Gamboa on Sept. 19 at Chicago's Comiskey Park. In a bold move, Ligue's legal advisers are essentially saying that thousands of spectators, dozens of still photos and multiple videotapes are all lying.

With that in mind, we're anticipating the following lines of defense:

	Ahh, Bill. The camera loves you!

1. "I was doing research for a movie role."

2. "It was actually Dennis Rodman, but I understand your error."

3. "Rick Fox ran as far as I did, and he only got six games."

4. "The Devil Rays made me do it."

5. "Did you see how the Royals run the bases last year? The &#@!$% guy deserved it."

6. "We have strong evidence that the court won't allow, linking a one-armed man to the incident. A one-armed man on a grassy knoll. The truth is out there."

7. "It's an East Coast-West Coast thing, yo."

8. "The prosecution can't rebroadcast the incident without the express written consent of, um, me. Hah!"

9. "If it pleases the court, we'd simply rather put the system on trial instead."

10. "The circumstances behind Sprewell's broken hand have yet to be fully explained."

Andy and Brian Kamenetzky are frequent contributors to Page 2 and ESPN The Magazine.