2003: An Anna Odyssey By Eric Immerman Special to Page 2 |
Tennis siren Anna Kournikova recently shot her 2003 Calendar in Tamaulipas, Mexico, apropos considering most people will be hanging it in "el bano."
Here's a look at the calendar key:
** On This Day In History *** Special Event **** Personal Engagement for Anna And now, we present a day-by-day look at Anna's calendar for '03: Jan. 6: National "Delete Internet Records From Your Hard Drive Week" begins at sundown * Jan. 15: Russian Army occupies Philippopolis, Turkey (1878) ** Jan. 15: Russian Hockey Team occupies Anna Kournikova (1999) ** Jan. 19: Golden Globes (live from Anna's halter top) *** Jan. 25: Keynote speaker at TBTISSF -- Tennis Ball Tucked Into Spandex Shorts Fetish Convention ****
Feb. 2: Groundhog Day -- Elizabeth Hurley emerges from tree to predict early spring or six more weeks of winter * Feb. 4: Enrique Iglesias Stopped Wearing Knit Skullcap During Intimate Moments Eve * Feb. 5: Enrique Iglesias Stopped Wearing Knit Skullcap During Intimate Moments Day * Feb. 18: Seductively Dislodge Wedgies In Slo-Motion Day (Canada) * March 10: First ever documented case of winatournaphobia -- the fear of enormous, life-size checks -- surfaces in Moscow (1993) ** March 14: Nick Bolletierri's www.TennisAcademyVoyeurDorm.com debuted in Florida (1994) **
May 5: Cinco de Mayo-Anna celebrates Mexican culture with chimichanga and straight-set loss to Conchita Martinez * May 8: VE-Day -- Anna storms Lycos' Most Searched List and topples Dragonball, "Harry Potter" and Cindy Margolis * May 11: U.S. District Judge rules topless pictures in Penthouse are not of Anna Kournikova after determining that the woman in the photographs has a "winning smile" (2002) ** June 24: First-Round Exit at Wimbledon Eve * Sept. 2: Attend MTV's Video Music Awards with Enrique after losing in first round at U.S. Open *** Sept. 7: Rosh Hashanah -- Anna rings in the Jewish New Year with a double-bagel loss to Anna Smashnova * Sept. 20: Billie Jean King defeats Bobby Riggs in "Battle of the Sexes" (1973) ** Sept. 20: Anna Kournikova defeats Geena Lee Nolin for "FHM's Sexiest Woman In the World" (2001) ** Sept. 24: National Health Promotion Day for Women -- Anna suggests performing lunges while calculating PE ratios * Oct. 7: Decide whether to spend NHL exhibition season in Rangers camp or Red Wings camp **** Oct. 14: Columbus Day -- 14-year-old (Internet) Explorer Christopher Columbus sets out to discover a shortcut to his Social Studies assignment; ends up discovering faux nudes of Anna Kournikova, Alyssa Milano and Gillian Anderson * Eric Immerman is a contributing comedy writer to ESPN The Magazine and "The Late Late Show with Craig Kilborn." His material also has been featured on Laugh.com. He can be reached at eimmerman@hotmail.com |
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