Common oxymorons include "military intelligence" and "male intellect." Among the less commonly recognized oxymorons are: Reagan memoirs, entertaining mime, dinner with Calista Flockhart and rap music.

	Some fans' envy is more noticeable than others.

Now, let me add one -- objective sports fan. It's almost impossible to find a sports fan who can distance himself from his own passions, his own opinions, and oftentimes his own agenda, enough to give a truthful assessment. All sports fans lie -- even if it's just to themselves.

The heart tells the eye what it wants to see. For evidence of this, you need only witness once someone madly in love telling a blatantly unattractive person how beautiful they are. That's the heart talking. The eyes stopped working when Cupid shot his arrow. People of passion need to have LASIK surgery on their opinions before they can see the truth.

Was he safe or out at the plate? That depends on which team you're rooting for. Did he get the shot off before the buzzer? Of course, he did. We win! No, he didn't. Yes, he did. No, he didn't. Yes, he did.

This highly intellectual discourse still occurs at the high school and lower levels where television cameras aren't documenting every move. Everyone in attendance sees the same thing, yet reaches a different conclusion. It's all based on the individual's desired outcome. Instead of "what you see is what you get," everybody tells themselves what they want is what they saw. Without any visual aids to prove otherwise, everyone can hold steadfast to their opinions, and go to their graves saying, "Sonny, we were robbed back in '64. That boy caught that ball out of bounds! And I'll go to my grave saying th ... eh ... eh ... (gasp)."

	Bruins and Canadiens will never agree on the severity of the check that sent Richard Zednik to the hospital.

But now we've usually got 12 different video angles to offer proof positive of what really happened, and it takes an exceptionally stubborn, hard-headed, obstinate and rigid sports fan to ignore all the evidence and continue to turn a blind eye. It would have to be like a Los Angeles police officer watching the Rodney King video.

Instant replay is the greatest test of a sports fan's loyalty. And in some ways, it's stolen a magnificent part of sport -- its eternity. In many cases, it's taken away our ability to argue forever about whether a tennis ball hit the line, or if a receiver got two feet in bounds, or if a quarterback had "tucked" the ball before he fumbled. That's why I'll always love figure skating. Even instant replay can't provide irrefutable evidence on subjective judging. Too bad it's not a real sport.

By the way, isn't it strange how so many people are able to watch their own lives now. You do something. You tape it. You watch yourself do it. You tape yourself watching yourself. You watch yourself watching yourself tape yourself. If you do all this in front of a mirror, you can actually see yourself getting younger.

I'd like to object to the lack of objectivity among sports fans, but I'm not sure I can do it objectively. I'm as guilty as the next guy -- unless the next guy is Boston Bruins assistant general manager Jeff Gorton. He went a little over the top. But do you think he really meant it when he said Kyle McLaren's clothesline hit on Richard Zednik last week was a "clean hit"? Do you think the Canadiens really believe it was as bad as what Tie Domi did to Scott Niedermayer last year? Either both sides are lying through their false teeth, or their perspective is severely skewed by passion. The truth, as is often the case, lies somewhere in between.

		As a Drew Bledsoe apologist, I choose to ignore the 9-21 record he's compiled in his last 30 games as a starter. As a Phil Mickelson supporter, I choose to focus on the tournaments he's won, rather than the majors he hasn't won.

As a Drew Bledsoe apologist, I choose to ignore the 9-21 record he's compiled in his last 30 games as a starter. As a Phil Mickelson supporter, I choose to focus on the tournaments he's won, rather than the majors he hasn't won. And as a disinterested party, I couldn't care less if the Kings' Craig Johnson intentionally kicked the puck past Colorado's Patrick Roy in Game 5 of their first-round series.

Actually, I could care less, but then I'd be dead.

Think about parents who have no idea their children are brats, or dog owners who yell at you when their dog treats your leg like a sassy young terrier. "Yeah, my kneecap gave him that come-hither look. It was all my fault."

Of course the dog owner barks at you, because he or she loves the dog more than you, and the dog can do no wrong. We all have our loyalties, and it takes an awful lot of incontrovertible evidence to get us to change our minds.

Believe me, I know. My loyalty to Robert De Niro has caused me to sit through "Mad Dog and Glory," "Stanley and Iris," "Showtime," "15 Seconds," and oh, my God, "Bang the Drum Slowly" -- which should have been titled, "Swing the Bat Badly." The man plays all these tough-guy roles, but he swings a bat like an 8-year-old girl trying to finesse a piñata. Are you pitching to ME? Are YOU pitching to me?

Basically, objectivity comes down to the strength of your bonds. If you have a strong rooting interest and/or love affair with a team, it's tough to see straight. But if your bond is somewhat weaker -- say, something like Liza Minelli and David Gest (wink, wink) -- then you can see life and sports for what they really are: a series of close calls.

Bob Halloran is an anchorman for ESPNEWS.