How did we finally track down Saddam Hussein? What was he doing all those months on the run? Page 2 has spent the past three days sifting through still highly-classified files to bring you the answers ...

Coalition log, March 20: A very long and very frustrating day. Received supposedly reliable tip that Saddam Hussein, High Value Target No. 1, and his two sons were located inside a secret compound at Dora Farms south of Baghdad. In decapitation strike, we dropped 2,000-pound bunker buster bombs and fired Tomahawk missiles on suspected location, destroying completely. Unfortunately, HVT No. 1 had relocated prior to bombing, appearing later on Iraqi television. President is seriously miffed. Must re-evaluate information sources.

	Saddam Hussein, when he still ruled Iraq, and the presidential NCAA tournament pool.

Saddam's diary, March 20: The Angels of Fortune fly so close that I can feel the flutter of their wings! The Great Satan's attempted assassination tonight failed miserably, just as he will fail to vanquish my sovereign reign of the great state of Iraq. Moments before the heavens rained murderous bombs, fate firmly grasped my hand and personally led me to safe haven for annual presidential NCAA basketball pool draft and Uday's weekly buffet/mass execution. Truly, Allah is great! Not only did I avoid the barrage of death, I got Kansas in the draw.

Coalition log, April 1: Mixed emotions. Sweeping military success, capture of capitol and overthrow of government tempered by inability to capture HVT No. 1. Subject is rumored to have fled city and now in hiding.

Saddam's diary, April 1: My famed iron spirit is drained. Devastating military losses have allowed barbarians to loot city. Government has fallen. I am forced into exile, escaping through enemy lines in donkey cart. (Note to self: Next time, remember to hide weapons of mass destruction where I can find them later.)

On the other hand, information minister Muhammed Saeed al-Sahaf assures me that Kansas has won the Final Four, extending my government pool victory string to 22 years. Truly, Allah is great!

Coalition log, June 4: HVT No. 1 appears to have gone deep underground. We have had no rumors to location for past 10 days. Subject may have even fled the country.

Saddam's diary, June 4: Conditions on the run grow intolerable -- have spent past two weeks sleeping on couch at in-laws. And Uday's victims think they suffered? My famous iron spine is ravaged. The Great and Treacherous Satan has cut off all communication, and royal guard insists cell phone is to be used only in most extreme emergency. Only connection with outside world is Armed Forces Radio broadcasts on transistor radio.

How about that Sammy Sosa? Talk about concealing WMD.

Coalition log, July 22: Our finest day yet! Located HVT No. 1's sons, Uday and Qusay, in secret hideout in Mosul. Unfortunately, were not able to take either alive. Nor was HVT No. 1 present. Subject apparently had been tipped off and fled location hours before our arrival.

Saddam's diary, July 22: Curse the Great and Murderous Satan who hunted down my beloved sons and mercilessly slaughtered my little angel Uday and the precocious innocent that was Qusay just before I was able to convince either to trade me Jamal Lewis in annual Hussein family fantasy football draft/goat feast/mass slaughter of political dissidents. I shall make the Great Satan pay in multiples! My famed iron fist will not be stayed! Truly, vengeance will be mine!

Coalition log, Sept. 9: Another near miss. HVT No. 1 has fled again, leaving behind only candy wrappers and several pages of fantasy football league lineups and statistics.

Saddam's diary, Sept 9: Must move again -- position compromised. Truly, this is another staggering blow as the images of NFL Ticket had filled this safe house and provided needed distraction from the plundering of my country. Worse, I have been informed that information minister Muhammed Saeed al-Sahaf was mistaken -- Funny Cide did not win Belmont. So, as the gods would have it, my ticket is no good.

	Saddam, after his capture -- will he ever find out if he made the playoffs in his fantasy football league?

Saddam's diary, Oct. 25: Allah, why have you abandoned me? I have reached my lowest level. The events of the past two days have crushed my spirits as fully as Uday used to crush political enemies in his vise. I cannot go on, and yet I must. I am told that location has been compromised yet again and must flee.

Coalition log, Oct. 23: Once again, we arrived moments too late to capture HVT No. 1. Local informants told of loud wailing coming from abandoned building for past three days; but when we searched, we found only an empty farmhouse with the following messages scrawled on the wall: "Die, Bartman, Die!" and "Grady Must Go!"

Saddam's diary, Nov. 17: Truly, this is the worst secure house of all. No electricity. No running water. And I must periodically crawl into cramped spider hole when the immoral troops of the Great Satan pass by. I have not been able to shave, bathe, comb hair or change underwear since late August. Damn Bush and his cursed father!

(Note to self: Stole a glance in mirror and found that I now resemble that mugshot of Nick Nolte. Question: Could the Queer Eye Five Fab do secret makeover that would allow me to fit in without being noticed in TriBeCa? And why do I find myself strangely attracted to Carson? Have I been on the run too long?)

Saddam's diary, Dec. 14: Truly, I have reached the limits of my famous iron will! I have spent the past eight months on the run, fleeing from hiding place to hiding place. I have spent the past month lying inside an eight-foot-long by 30-inch-wide and 30-inch-deep spider hole buried eight feet into the ground, subsisting on nothing but Mars bars, Seven-Up and hot dogs. I have not brushed teeth since July. I cannot remember what a razor is.

And now Oklahoma loses by four touchdowns and still goes to the Sugar Bowl? No. 2 USC whips Oregon State and falls to No. 3 and will not play for the national championship? How can I have been defeated by a country that determines its college football champion in such a ridiculous manner? Aarggghhhh!!!! By all that is holy, I cannot take it any longer! I require release!

Coalition log, Dec. 14: We got him! We finally were able to get a positive fix on HVT No. 1 when a caller identifying himself as "Saddam in Adwar" phoned the Mad Dog and remained on the phone 15 minutes to rant about the BCS. Voice recognition software positively identified the subject as HVT No. 1 and triangulation of frequencies allowed us to determine his specific location and move in for the capture. HVT No. 1 appeared dazed and confused, refusing to surrender until assured Geneva convention rules covering prisoners of war would be observed and that USC still could finish season ranked No. 1 in Associated Press poll.

Jim Caple is a senior writer for ESPN.com.