Helping the Boss save some cash
Page 2 staff

Sterling Hitchcock made $5 million in 2002 to pitch 39 1/3 innings and win one game.

He's slated to make another $6 million in 2003.

But George Steinbrenner needs to save some money so he's threatening to cut the dental plans for 150 Yankees employees to save the team about $100,000, according to Newsday.

George Steinbrenner
With our suggested savings, Steinbrenner may have enough money left over to lure Hideki Matsui from Japan.

With the Yankees in such apparent dire financial straits, we've come up with some more ways for George to save some cash (all money totals are Page 2 "estimates," except for Drew Henson's salary):

  • Eliminate the daily cleaning of the pigeon droppings off the monuments in center field. Babe Ruth covered in bird poop? Hey, this is a guy who once ate so many hot dogs he had to go on the disabled list.

    Savings: $15,000

  • Get rid of the guy who dances in the seventh-inning stretch to that ridiculous "Cotton Eye Joe" song.

    Savings: $50 per game, $4,050 per season

  • Forget hiring the extra security and police when they play the Mets during interleague play. (Except when Roger Clemens is pitching.)

    Savings: $90,000

  • Admit Drew Henson can't hit major league pitching or field major league hitting, release him from his contract and let him ply his trade in the NFL.

    Savings: $2.0 million

  • Or dump him on the Devil Rays.

    Savings: $2.0 million

    Don Zimmer
    Zimmer is full of sage advice, but he can afford his own bodily treatments.

  • Make Zimmer buy his own hemorrhoid cream.

    Savings: $200

  • Get rid of the team's no facial hair policy and let the players grow beards and mustaches.

    Savings on team-issued razors: $9,100

    Savings by switching from Gillette Mach 6 to generic brand: $4,550

  • Get rid of Derek Jeter's body double, who signs autographs when he leaves the Stadium and allows the real Jeter to peacefully leave via a secret exit. (By the way, the body double actually appeared in a few games this past season.)

    Savings: $20,000

  • No more calzones for Steinbrenner.

    Savings: $810

    Yogi Berra
    Yogi remains on the payroll even though he was caught giving advice to Mike Piazza.

  • Get the "Special Advisory Group" -- Yogi Berra, Reggie Jackson, Clyde King, Don Mattingly and Dwight Gooden -- off the payroll. Admit it, what exactly do these guys do?

    Savings: $250,000

  • Quit playing "Y.M.C.A." during the fifth-inning infield raking and "New York, New York" after Yankee victories.

    Savings on royalty payments to the Village People and Frank Sinatra's estate: $1,620

  • Postgame spread now served by Burger King.

    Savings: $14,178

  • Replace diamonds in World Series rings with cheap zirconium ripoffs.

    Savings: Oops, don't have to worry about that this year.




  • ALSO SEE:


    Report: Steinbrenner might give employees kick in teeth





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