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Ever have a week you can't make heads or tails of? Ever wish there were some
sort of reality check machine, so you could objectively figure out if you're
the one who's crazy, or the people around you?
|  | | Regina Jacobs' world record upstaged Maurice Greene and Stacy Dragila. |
That's where I am right now. This has been an exceptionally weird week in
what has always been somewhat of an odd sport.
Ageless Regina Jacobs opened up her season with the fastest 1,500-meters of
her life, which also happened to be a world record 3:59.98, worth a $25,000
bonus. Where on earth did this fitness come from? The woman's 39, and I am
stunned. The American record she broke was set by Mary Decker Slaney 23 years
ago, but Decker Slaney is only five years older than her. Jacobs is
redefining what an older woman can do in athletics -- but can she do it in the
summer?
Charlie Francis says that working with Marion Jones and Tim Montgomery has
proved to him that athletes don't need to use drugs to be fast. Now that's an
interesting public relations spin! It might just be enough to get the International Association of Athletics Federations to
give him its seal of approval (despite the fact that he is under no IAAF
ban). Still I wonder, now that Francis is in a learning mode and talking
about it, what did working with all those dirty athletes in his past prove to
him?
Judge Charles Dubin, of the famous Dubin Inquiry into the Ben Johnson
scandal, has weighed in as favoring Francis's return to coaching.
Personally, I'm okay with lifetime bans, imprisonment, torture, or worse for
the man responsible for the biggest PR disaster in the history of the sport.
We're still suffering from that 9.79 seconds in Seoul. The public's
widespread opinion that track is dirty has not abated in the 15 years since.
Is Francis the only bad guy in the sport? You'd be a fool to think so.
But we'd be wrong to let one go just because others have not been exposed.
The folks at the U.S. Olympic Committee have threatened Nebraska Wesleyan
University's "Rat Olympics" with legal action if the school didn't drop the
hallowed and copyrighted "Olympics" from the name of the 23-year-old event.
Apparently they feel there is more honor in being associated with the USOC
Board of Directors than with a bunch of innocent lab rats in Lincoln.
Romanian star Gabriela Szabo will have to pay rival Violeta Beclea $5,000
in the final settlement of a lawsuit. This all started when Szabo called
Beclea "ugly." Beauty may be in the eyes of the beholder, but calling names
is just plain mean.
"Spike" is the new name of USA Track and Field's mascot. He's ugly.
Oregon has paid retiring women's coach Tom Heinonen the ultimate
compliment, deciding that he's irreplaceable. Instead, the women's program
will be merged with the men's under the leadership of Martin Smith.
My job was threatened by an unnamed reader, whose ire was inspired by my
depiction of America's top sprinters as a whiny bunch of self-centered fools:
"Your comments about the false start rule are ridiculous. Why suddenly change
the rules now? I find your comments about the stars being dropped on their
heads too much as babies very offensive and insensitive. Mr. Hollobaugh,
without Greene, Montgomery's and Jones' loud mouths and fast feet you would
have NO JOB. So be thankful to them and rest of the U.S. stars instead of
chastising them. Shame on you, not the USATF."
Already, I think unnamed reader has gotten to the IAAF, as for some reason,
that seems to be the only Web site on earth that my computer cannot visit.
I've been locked out. At this point, after several weeks of trying, I think
that it would be easier to hack my way into the computers at NORAD.
In a smidgen of good news -- yes! -- Department of Education's Commission on
Opportunity in Athletics has voted to remove walk-on athletes from the counts
used to determine if a college is in compliance with Title IX. I hope this
means an end to the days of college track coaches telling walk-on athletes
"no" for fear that they would upset the gender balance at the school.
If I were the fabled prognosticatory groundhog, on a week like this I would
be inclined to return to my hole for more hibernation. That would make at
least one reader happy.
Jeff Hollobaugh, former managing editor of Track and Field News, is a regular contributor to ESPN.com. He can be reached by e-mail at michtrack@aol.com.
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