Chris Spielman doesn't understand the meaning of the word quit. Never has. But when the four-time Pro Bowl linebacker suffered temporary paralysis in an exhibition game Saturday night, the risks of playing professional football suddenly became too severe to ignore.

"I think if you study history and successful people in history, there's a no surrender, no give-up, no retire, no quit mentality and that's what I have," Spielman told ESPN's Up Close host Gary Miller, just one day after officially announcing his retirement from the NFL. "You say I retired. I never retired. I was forced from the game. I never retired and I never quit."

Spielman was attempting a comeback this season with the expansion Cleveland Browns. He underwent neck fusion surgery in 1997 and sat out the entire 1998 season to help his wife Stefanie overcome a bout with breast cancer.

The following is an edited transcript of Spielman's interview.

Miller: Chris, you had a long press conference yesterday and went on at length about this decision. One of the things you said is, "The hard part is to wake up and know that I am not an NFL player anymore." What was it like to wake up?

Spielman: Well, it was okay. I still think about it and it's a little bit difficult, but I also know it is reality. I'm not one to dwell on the past or one to try to be a sad person. My experience the past two years has taught me that. I will miss the competition, though, and seeing some of the best athletes in the world. That's something that I took great pride in; I was honored to be a part of the NFL and I held that in high esteem, especially the great players that I played with.

Miller: Ultimately, you have to decide that it's your body and it's your career, but who was involved in this decision?

Spielman: Well, the doctors, basically. When the doctors say, "Look Chris, if you were my son, I wouldn't let you play," you have to look at that and deep down in my heart I couldn't keep going paralyzed down on the football field. I saw the replay of the play that happened and walking off with shaky legs. That's not normal. Gary, I have to be honest with you, for a lot of years I lived by a code, and I told my wife many times that if I am ever helped off the field, there's something seriously wrong with me or that's the end of my career. That ended up being true and I stand by my code.

Miller: Where did that code come from, Chris?

Spielman: I just think that watching great players play, it was instilled in me by my mother and my father and people that I respect. I think if you study history and successful people in history, there's a no surrender, no give-up, no retire, no quit mentality and that's what I have. You said I retired. I never retired. I was forced from the game. I never retired and I never quit.

Miller: What was your concept of what retirement would be like before you were forced to leave the game? How long did you think you were going to play?

Spielman: I don't know. I am at the point in my career and I have already been out of the game for two other reasons. I was just taking one game at a time. Then, if I would have called it quits I would have came up with a new phrase like "temporary leave of absence" or something like. I refused to acknowledge the words retire, quit, surrender or give up. I won't do it. We can talk about it all night but I'm not going to do it.

Miller: How much did taking last year off (to take care of your ailing wife) help in being able to live with this decision and coming to grips with it?

Spielman: I think it helps a little bit because I already know what it's like to go through a season and not to play. That takes some of the sting out of it. Obviously a good friend of mine, Jim Lachey, did the same thing a couple years ago. He hurt his shoulder and then he hurt his knee the next year and then that was it for him.

Miller: We showed a little bit earlier the hit from Casey Wiegmann of the Bears. It was helmet to helmet, but it didn't look all that unusual or bone-jarring. Do you think that it was inevitable this year?

Speilman: Well, I think eventually something like this would have happened because I have experienced some episodes of this throughout training camp and a couple of times during a game. Not as severe as this one. Before I would lose some feeling in my legs, but I wouldn't lose the movement. Well this, for whatever reason, this time I lost movement and I laid motionless on the field. After living through Mike Utley's situation and now thinking about Darryl Stingley and Dennis Byrd and Reggie Brown's situation, that's an eye-opener.

I experienced this before in '96 but again you have to understand the mentality of an NFL player is one on invincibility. And I have always approached it like that. My main thing when I was laying on the field, Gary, was to hurry up, get up and get the call, and I couldn't do it. That was frustrating me. Then gradually the feeling came back in my arms and my legs and then for whatever reason the trainers had to come back and help me off the field, which I didn't like but I knew they were just doing their jobs.

Miller: What was that like, Casey Wiegmann tried to help you up and he saw that you couldn't move and you're sitting there... Take us through the emotions of what it was like in those 10 to 15 seconds?

Speilman: Like I said: I have experienced minor bouts of this and I had a good feeling that was going to come back. I guess in my heart, I knew that....You sit back and reflect after a couple of days. I guess in my heart I knew that, aah, that was it. I can't keep doing this. I can't keep pushing the envelope no matter the invincibility that I think I have or that I think I can do. I also have a responsibility to my wife and to my kids.

Miller: We showed a particularly vicious hit that you had that you used to deal out quite a bit with the Lions and the Bills. Did you ever worry about having this kind of impact as a defensive player on somebody you hit?

Spielman: No. I think everybody understands the risks of the game when they walk out on the field. When you sign up for this business that's what you got to expect. Plus Gary, in my opinion, I think genetically a lot of guys are separated if they reach the pros by the simple nature of the game as far as violence goes, that their necks can usually take that type of punishment. But after ten years of doing those type of hits.. mine (sigh) that's it, it's done I can't do it anymore.

Miller: Do you think part of this is just the result of the Chris Spielman way of playing football?

Spielman: I would like to think so. I take pride in that. Absolutely, and I have a lot of trophies on my body to prove that. I mean, I take pride in playing with pain and playing hurt. I've played with torn muscles, broken fingers, cuts, bruises, whatever. My code again, I hate to keep going back to it, but I'm trying to be honest with you. But if I was walking I was playing and I live by that.

Miller: Do you call those trophies?

Spielman: Yeah (laughing). I earned them. I think I've got a bicep in California and a tricep in Pittsburgh that I left behind.

Miller: What did it mean when your daughter said to you "daddy, if you are in a wheelchair can we still swim together?"

Spielman: My daughter is a really smart little girl and she understands that daddy hurt his neck before and what I went through as far as not being able to pick her up and wearing a next brace around here and pretty much being inactive with her. I think it just scared her and she didn't want me not to be her normal dad. That rung home with me, but I didn't need her to tell me that. I knew that I want to be a normal person as far as physically able to walk and use arms and hands and fingers, and to be able to teach her to get in a three point stance and to lift weights with my little boy. The little guy.

Miller: This April, we got great news Chris, that the (breast) cancer for your wife Stefanie was gone at least for now, totally in remission. Is it amazing to you to see that you could be an inspiration to her for something like that?

Spielman: I didn't think I was, but I don't think it's so much me... I think it's a testament of how we feel about each other, and I think when people are in love, that they get more enjoyment and more excitement watching their spouse or their children succeed or do well in things. And if that motivated how I did in football may have motivated her to fight this cancer, I'm happy that I had a part in it. Although she is a person that I strive to be as far as how she handles herself through crisis situations. I think I'll learn from her how to handle my leaving football.

Miller: When you shaved your head to show support for her, because she was going through the chemotherapy, a gorgeous woman to have to have her head shaved. Did you just show up like that one day or did she see you shave your head?

Spielman: I just showed up like that. I knew she was going to get her hair cut, so I wanted to get mine. And I just think she didn't do it, she didn't walk around with shame, she walked around proud and said "Look people, it's all right to be sick and I have cancer and I'm fighting it and I'm going out here and I'm going to the movies, I'm going to go make speeches to fight breast cancer. I'm going to go meet people and be supportive to other women who are going through this. I'm not going to wear a wig and cover it up and be ashamed of it."

I did it too, Gary, to let my children know it's okay to have a shaved head and it's what a lot of times mommy and daddy may do if they feel like it one day. We try to make everything as normal as possible and try to make like nothing was wrong. They understood that mommy was sick and needed rest but we tried to make it like it's normal around here. Anything that we could do to make it easier for the kids to handle that situation, we tried to do.

Miller: Well, one of the great results in being such a gifted NFL player and such a huge personality in Ohio is that your name recognition and her courage have done a lot to help to raise funds for breast cancer. You must be very gratified with the results.

Spielman: It's exciting. You know, I asked her if she wanted to do this and she jumped at the idea. We felt that, being in the position that we were in, that it was our moral obligation to do something. I mean, we're fighting a war here, when your talking about breast cancer. You're fighting a war for my daughter who, twenty years from now, ten years from now, or fifteen years from now is a high risk breast cancer patient. We're trying to fight that battle. And it's tough to see people that she knows die of the same disease she has. It's very difficult, so we're doing our part so that one day we can declare victory against this horrible disease that affects so many women throughout the land.

Miller: Now that football is over, what are you going to do now, Chris?

Spielman: Well, I'm going to weigh some options; it's hard to say. The body is not even cold yet, and I just want to sit back and look at some things and some opportunities. I'm going to try and have a mental break. I think after two years of a roller-coaster ride of ups and downs emotionally, I don't really want to worry about anything right now. I just want to maybe worry about getting down to a twenty-five handicap, for a little bit.

Miller: The Browns have offered you a position. Your dream has always been to coach at Ohio State. Is coaching in your future?

Spielman: Well, football is in my future. There's no question about it. Whether it be television, radio, or coaching, there's not too many other options, then it will be that, but definitely I'm a football person and I couldn't imagine an autumn going without me being involved with he game somehow. That's something I could not take.