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Tuesday, December 14
Updated: December 15, 11:24 AM ET
 
'It has been a long road for me'

Giants quarterback Kerry Collins claims he has "re-dedicated" himself to the game of football. The fifth pick overall in the 1995 draft, Collins signed a four-year deal with the Giants in February of this year and has won his last two outings. On a recent edition of ESPN's Up Close, he told host Gary Miller that he has put his days of drinking and partying behind him.

Kerry Collins
Collins threw for 240 yards and one touchdown Sunday against the Buffalo Bills in a 19-17 Giants victory.
"I have committed myself to sobriety and it's starting to pay off for me," says Collins. Before, there was always something holding me back, and now it feels like I have gotten rid of all those things that were holding me back and I am just concentrating on being the best quarterback that I can be."

Collins also spoke of his relationship with coach Jim Fassel, offered words of wisdom for fellow Leigh Steinberg client Ryan Leaf and more.

The following is an edited transcipt of Collins' interview.

Miller: Kerry, you struggled earlier in the year when you took over the starting quarterback job. In a game against the Arizona Cardinals, there were interceptions, a fumble, you guys got beat pretty badly in that game. Then came the turnaround, you threw for over 300 yards against the Jets, which no Giants QB had done against anyone since Phil Simms. Then you follow that game up with another great game, over 240 yards passing yesterday. How do you explain your turnaround?

Collins: Well, I don't think there is much of a secret to mine. I have re-dedicated myself to the game. I have stopped drinking. I haven't had a drink in a long time. I have committed myself to sobriety and it's starting to pay off for me. Before, there was always something holding me back, and now it feels like I have gotten rid of all those things that were holding me back and I am just concentrating on being the best quarterback that I can be. The last two weeks have really shown me that all the hard work that I have been doing is starting to pay off. I am proud of what I am doing. I am proud of what I've done and I'll just try to keep this thing going.

Miller: Let's talk about your relationship with coach Jim Fassel, whose job was on the line. After he came back from California from burying his mother, how much did it mean to you when he said, "I'm proud of you."

Collins: Oh, it meant so much! Jim Fassel, I owe the turnaround that I've had to him. I think that Jim is a special guy, and for him to keep his calm and composure and continue his leadership through all of that when his mother died, and to come back here to the Michael Strahan controversy, for him to keep his head and keep the team in mind and lead us the way he did, I think that just speaks measures about what kind of person that he is.

Miller: When you see the infamous piece of video, with the big cigar walking out of jail after you had been arrested for drunk driving, when you see that video now, does it look like a different person? What do you think when you see that?

Collins: When I look at that video, I see the person that I am trying not to be anymore. I was ashamed and embarrassed by that; it is inexcusable and that is not the kind of person that I want to be, that I want people to think of when they think of Kerry Collins. However, it did happen and you know, it took a lot of soul-searching and really trying to figure out what it was for me that I needed to do to become, first of all, the healthiest person I can be, and second of all, the happiest person that I can be and third of all, trying to be the best quarterback I can be. So it has been a long road for me, but I have never felt better.

Miller: How miserable were you?

Collins: It got pretty bad, it did get pretty bad. It took a lot of hanging in there on my part to really stay through it. You think about your life and you think about what it's all about and what you want it to be all about, and for a long time I wasn't really sure. I went into rehab in early January, did a lot of soul-searching in there, was able to step away from everything, and for eight weeks just work on Kerry Collins and look and see what he wanted to do. There was a point where I just said, you know, I am going to give it everything that I've got. Since I've been in the NFL, which had only been four years, I always drank, always partied and never really dedicated my life to the game. I feel responsible to do that, because I have been given a talent, and I think that a wasted talent is the biggest crime you can have. I made that decision, I stuck with it, I plan on sticking with it, and the past two weeks I am starting to see it pay off.

Miller: You had the seal of approval right out of college. You led Penn St. to a perfect record, you were a Heisman finalist, an All-American and Leigh Steinberg takes you on as a client. You've thought about contacting another one of Steinberg's clients, Ryan Leaf, who's had a lot of problems adjusting to life in the NFL himself. If you had a chance to talk to him, what would you say?

Collins: It's hard to think about where I was when I was in a similar situation that Ryan is. I had a lot of people who I really respected and who cared about me talk to me about things, and it would go in one ear and out the other. If I would say one thing to Ryan, I would say, "You don't have to be against the system all the time. People are there and they want you to do well and they are in your corner." I personally had to go through a maturing process that took a while and I'm not sure that anything would have happened before, you know, I had to realize in myself. Everybody can sit there and tell you that you need to do this and you need to do that, but I think until you come to that realization in your mind, I am not sure that anybody can really help you.

Miller: You made a donation to the Harlem Boys Choir, which you wish had not been made public. Part of that is because you have been labeled a racist in the past. How much does it sting to be called a racist and are you doing things to kind of turn that reputation around?

Collins: I think the people that know me and the people who have been friends with me for my whole life, they know that not to be true. I was trying to be a funny guy, trying to make a joke, obviously it didn't come across the way that I wanted it to. I never intended anything malicious behind it. Having said that, the thing with The Harlem Boys choir, that was just something where I was just sitting at home one day watching the news and heard about the fact that they couldn't go to Israel, on a trip that they had planned because of some governmental red-tape. They couldn't get the funding and a few things popped up in my mind; a: The Harlem Boys choir is one of the things that I think are identified with New York and its culture. Also, travel is something that I find is very rewarding. I traveled to Europe for eight weeks. Also the arts are something that I think is very important to kids and kids their age. The story got out, and I am not too pleased with it. Someone could look at that and say, "well, he did that because of all that stuff (about being labeled a racist)". That had absolutely zero to do with it. It's about kids who weren't going to have the opportunity to do something they were really looking forward to and being in the position I am in, I was able to help them.

Miller: Mike Ditka was very supportive of you, Kerry, even during those dark days. How much contact do you have with him? How much do you feel for him, with what is going on with him in New Orleans?

Collins: Mike is a different kind of cat. You know, he was really supportive of me and he gave me an opportunity when really nobody else would and I owe him a lot for that&. It really meant a lot, the things he did for me, and he probably had me at the time when I was most confused and he gave me an opportunity and I am very thankful for that.





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