Sounds like a good deal at the start, but a big man like Detroit offensive lineman Aaron Gibson could be paying at least $2,500 a day. Luckily for Gibson and other belly busters, the CBA does not have an obesity chart from the American Heart Association. It also does not elaborate on how "overweight" should be subjective based on position.

NFL meal reimbursement should be the largest of the four major sports. Good news for the big guys, this year breakfast is up $2, and lunch and dinner is up $4. Now, it's actually possible to have a filet mignon at every meal or 13 burgers and seven fries (see extra value meal). And...if you make it to the Pro Bowl and you are married, a meal allowance will be provided to your wife (Article XLIII, Section 3). What perks! All you have to do is raise lunch and dinner a couple more bucks and teams can reap more money from the overweight fine.

Probably not enough to have Billy Blanks personally train you, but enough to get a couple Richard Simmons videos or a Bowflex machine. The workout stipend might also offset the meal reimbursement money and limit the overweight fines.

No idea how this got in the CBA, although it might be to serve as a great excuse for not allowing that third-stringer to get into the game in garbage time. "Now Bobby, we're looking out for both of us. We don't want it to cost us the game and you don't want it to cost you $200." The CBA, surprisingly, does not have an escalating scale based on how the ball gets to the stands. Example: Intentional grounding ($50), souvenir for family ($95), in anger ($150), bad throw ($200).

Only $1,000? When the CBA got revised in February of 1998, those that restructured the fines did not take into account how much worse the fine should be with the advent of the internet. And even before the internet, imagine how much an upcoming opposing team would be willing to pay for a game plan found in an airport.

This was put in place because the NFL and the CFL are obviously very close competitors. The cities in which they play are near each other, their TV contracts are nearly worth the same and the quality of play is just as good. Actually, the only difference is the extra 10 yards in the CFL's end zones.

Picture this: Big-time offenders Bryan Cox and Bill Romanowski claiming that their behavior on the field was the most manly way of giving to charity. "Dear Bryan, thank you so much for getting kicked out of last week's game. As you are well aware, your fine was another step towards reaching our goal."

This might change to one ticket when the CBA expires at the end of the 2003 season, but just to make sure that there are no accomplices.

Whew. Where's that dotted line?

Without this ingenious piece of legislation, millions of fans would be denied the pleasure of seeing Craig "Ironhead" Hayward lathering up in the shower while endorsing Zest.