There's a trend in there someplace.

Zeile did become the first Rockies mystery pitcher in history to record a strikeout. But his teammates still told him his outing wasn't as good as the outing made by his predecessor, Brent Mayne, on Aug. 22, 2000. Of course, that would have been slightly difficult -- since Mayne somehow wound up as the winning pitcher the night he pitched.

"Yeah, unfortunately," Zeile told Wild Pitches, "we couldn't score 13 runs for me in the bottom of the ninth."

Nevertheless, Zeile's manager, Clint Hurdle, called his third baseman's performance "a cherry on a pile of (manure)" and said his only regret all night was that "I should have brought Zeile in to pitch a whole lot earlier."

Can't blame him. His real pitchers gave up 16 runs and 19 hits. Zeile only gave up one hit (to Cesar Izturis), then followed that up with a double play (from Chad Kreuter) and a strikeout (of Wilkin Ruan) -- on a 75-mph "fastball."

"It was sneaky fast," Zeile said, "coming off a 46-mph eephus curveball and a 55-mph Charlie Hough knuckleball."

Best Zeile can remember, he hadn't pitched in something like 22 years, since an American Legion game in high school -- "so I was well-rested," he said. And he paid tribute to some of his favorite pitchers through the years, by doing classic impressions of Bob Tewksbury, Dennis Eckersley and, especially, Hough.

Zeile long has been famous for his sideline knucklers. But there's a longstanding myth that knuckleballs don't flutter properly in the lunar atmosphere of Coors. And Zeile admitted wondering about that, especially after his 8-year-old son, Garrett, had warmed him up and caught just about every darned knuckleball he threw. (Insert your favorite Bob Uecker knuckleball line here.)

"I said either my knuckleball isn't doing anything," Zeile reported, "or he's doing a great job of catching them."

But ultimately, he proved, once and for all, that knuckleball can dance at Coors. Myth schmyth.

"Maybe," Zeile chuckled, "the humidor helped my knuckleball."

20-20 man of the week
The Last 20-Game Loser of the 20th Century hasn't had to cash in any frequent-flier miles this season. He hasn't had to break out any voodoo dolls. He hasn't had to follow Tanyon Sturtze or Todd Ritchie around America. He's barely even gotten any ink.

We're not sure if that represents a good year or a bad year for our hero, Brian Kingman. We just know that now that it's clear no pitcher is going to lose 20 games, it means Kingman has reigned for an amazing 22 consecutive years ("the longest ever," he was happy to point out) in his beloved role as The Last 20-Game Loser.

But Brian Kingman is worried -- worried he's getting a little too confident that no one will ever come along to topple him from his distinguished throne. He has survived the assaults of such venerable 19-game losers as Jose DeLeon, Scott Erickson and, just in the last two years, Omar Daal (2000) and Albie Lopez (2001). He made it through Anthony Young's 27-game losing streak.

This year, though, he never even had a chance to get seriously worried, even when Todd Ritchie lost his 15th game on Aug. 3 -- nearly a month ahead of Kingman's pace for Billy Martin's Oakland A's.

"I had barely dusted off a voodoo doll for Todd Ritchie," Kingman told Wild Pitches, "when he developed a sore shoulder."

So this past week, when Wild Pitches tracked him down to see just how jubilant he was that he will live to maintain his www.20gamelosers.com web site for yet another year, Kingman admitted he had to give himself a little pep talk. He had to remind himself that nothing lasts forever, not even the seeming immortality of losing 20.

"I will never take those 20 losses for granted," Kingman assured us. "Each hard-earned defeat just has too much meaning to be taken for granted. And together, the 20 losses represent so much futility, humiliation and frustration that only the next pitcher to go there will understand the need to preserve the memory.

"And so 22 years have passed," he poeticized. "We have gone from Jimmy Carter to George W. Bush, J.R. Ewing to Tony Soprano. Where have all the 20-game loser's gone?"

To keep his edge, Kingman promised he plans to get serious about getting his long-discussed Pud Galvin Memorial Trophy manufactured, to be presented to the next man to lose 20. He's also working on a 20-Game Losers Hall of Fame. (Early returns: Cy Young in, Brian Kingman out.)

And he's so sure that baseball will continue to change the rules to make life better for the hitters that some day, the offensive explosion will claim even his own dubious claim to fame. In fact, he's written an advance news story on that historic event, predicting his own demise, and sealed it in our vault:

(Dateline -- in the year 2030): After a surprising pitcher-friendly rule change reduces the number of innings required for a starting pitcher to win from five to three, "teams move to three-man rotations and 50-plus starts per pitcher," Kingman predicted. "Five pitchers win 30 or more games, and four pitchers lose 20 or more games. Brian Kingman, who is now 76 years old and was baseball's last 20-game loser (1980), was in attendance as Hideo Nomo III, of the Tokyo Giants, suffered his 20th loss to the visiting Moscow Reds. Kingman had seen 32 pitchers, over a span of 50 years, lose 19 games."

When it happens exactly that way, drop him a line at his web site. Operators will be standing by.

Streaker of the week
The world hasn't paid much attention. But down there in Florida, Kevin Millar has been spending the last four weeks getting a hit every single day -- whether he needed to or not.

Alas, his hitting streak finally ended at 25 games Friday. But that's probably a good thing -- because it wasn't just the streak that was getting longer every day.

Millar had vowed to stop shaving until he suffered his next 0-for. So with the offseason looming and Millar promising not to go to the razor all winter if necessary, it suddenly dawned on everybody he could be in danger of setting a new franchise record for facial hair, if nothing else.

"I'll come in looking like Grizzly Adams," he predicted the other day. "It'll be a long offseason for my wife."

But during this streak, it wasn't just his stubble that got a little unsightly. It's tough to compile your own personal blooper reel in the middle of a 25-game hitting streak. But Kevin Millar did it.

First off, he unveiled The Slide -- if that's the proper terminology for it.

On Sept. 10 in Philadelphia, he gave new meaning to that term, "headfirst slide," by attempting to flop into second base by using his face as landing gear. He wound up with his head stuck in the dirt, five feet short of the bag.

His teammates are still trying to figure out how to describe it. But shortstop Andy Fox told Wild Pitches, "He was closer to a Triple Lindy than a headfirst slide."

Now we're not exactly sure what a Triple Lindy is, although we think we ordered one at Friendly's once. But we're still sure it was closer to a Triple Lindy than a slide.

"The slide didn't surprise me," Fox said. "Usually, you have to have some momentum to slide, and you create that with some pace in your run. He has no pace when he runs."

But Millar wasn't finished. Sunday, he settled under a Vinny Castilla flyball, caught it, then somehow ended up flat on his back in left field, for no apparent reason.

Millar later blamed it on a "Ricky Williams divot," which he said tripped him and caused him to step on his own shoelace. But his Marlins buddies are accusing him of just being starved for some attention.

"We tried to tell him when you have a hitting streak like he has, you don't have to do that extra stuff to get on SportsCenter," Fox said. "We said, 'Save that stuff for when you need to get on.' It's just a waste of good material."

Slowpoke of the week
He may be no Hector Villanueva. But if Phillies catcher Johnny Estrada isn't the slowest active player in baseball, he's still a threat to lose a race against your average aardvark.

So last Sunday -- when Estrada hit a groundball back to the mound, with men on first and third in the 10th inning of a 0-0 game -- teammate Doug Glanville said his first thought was, "triple play."

Luckily, that was impossible, since there was one out. But amazingly, this turned into the winning run for the Phillies -- when Estrada, incredibly, outraced (OK, just make that "beat") the double-play relay to first base.

OK, granted, he had help. Pitcher Scott Sauerbeck's throw to second almost went into center field. And shortstop Jack Wilson had to lunge, grab it, then lurch back toward the bag at second. Nevertheless, for Estrada still to have beaten that throw, his teammates were pretty sure something sneaky -- or possibly illegal -- must have happened.

"Since it was such an unbelievable display of speed," Glanville told Wild Pitches, "I decided to go to the video room to really understand what it all meant. Upon zooming in from the on-deck camera, I found the secret: He had replaced his spikes with wheels. I'm not sure if there is some rule on that, but I commend him on his creativity. He fooled everyone because it was not noticeable by the naked eye.

"I've seen times where opposing teams check someone's bat for cork," Glanville said, "but I'm not sure if there has ever been a time where someone's spikes were checked. The Pirates really dropped the ball on this one. I would have had his spikes checked immediately."

So remember, kids. From now on, when you hear someone say a player has "great wheels," it might not mean what you think.

Bobbleheads of the week
As the Marlins tried -- and failed -- to give away 60,000 bobblehead dolls over a whole seven-game homestand last week (hey, they only missed by 7,000), it should comfort them to know this:

They're not the only ones.

Even the mighty Yankees couldn't give away a full assortment of bobbleheads this month. It's true!

Trying to figure out a way to entice people to come see a previously unscheduled Monday afternoon makeup game against the Orioles at The Stadium on Sept. 10, they came up with Paul O'Neill Bobblehead Day.

How could that not inspire 30,000 people to cut school and dodge work, huh?

Eh, seemed like a good idea at the time.

Unfortunately, under 9,000 customers showed up, leaving them with 21,000 bobbling heads to use as kindling this winter. Or whatever.

"Those are 8,800 fans who got the exclusive Paul O'Neill bobblehead doll," GM Brian Cashman quipped to the New York Times' Liz Robbins, "for eBay purposes."

Box score line of the week
For our final box-score-line winner of the year, we travel to Game 1 of the Texas League playoff series between the San Antonio Missions and Tulsa Drillers. This was the actual line of Tulsa starter Ben Kozlowski:

7 IP, 0 H, 2 R, 1 ER, 7 BB, 3 K, 1 HBP.

This game, played Sept. 9, was so weird that the winning team (San Antonio) didn't get a hit until the final swing of the game. It scored one run off Kozlowski on two walks, a hit batter and a fielder's choice. It scored the other on a walk, a bunt, a stolen base and a wild throw.

But Kozlowski and reliever Keith Stamler still threw nine no-hit innings, and Tulsa headed for the 10th, tied 2-2. Then San Antonio won it on two errors, a hit batter and its first hit all night, a game-winning single by Adrian Myers. And thus ended what league president Tom Kayser called "one of the oddest games in Texas League history."

"Sometimes," losing manager Tim Ireland told the Tulsa World's Barry Lewis, "you just shake your head and bow to the baseball deities."

Spouse of the week
Twins manager Ron Gardenhire and his wife, Carol, arrived at their 23rd wedding anniversary last Sunday.

In typical baseball fashion, they had quite the festive day.

Gardenhire told the Minneapolis Star Tribune's Jim Souhan he awoke Sunday and informed his wife he had to get to the ballpark early.

"She said, 'Then I'll cut the grass,'" Gardenhire reported. "How good is that?"

Tribute of the week
The great Ernie Harwell broadcast his final Sunday afternoon game in Detroit last weekend. So the least the Tigers could do, after Harwell had devoted 44 years worth of Sunday afternoons describing their heroics, was give him his own day.

"It's a thrill to be given a day," Harwell told the 20,991 people assembled for the occasion. "The only time I can remember being given a day is when the sheriff of Fulton County gave me a day to get out of town."

FCs of the week
The Omar Vizquel-Robbie Alomar Show is no longer running in Cleveland. But Monday in Boston, the John McDonald-Brandon Phillips Show was a close approximation.

On back-to-back plays with a runner on first, McDonald made a diving stop in the shortstop hole to get one force at second, then Phillips made a sprawling stop of a Rey Sanchez shot up the middle and flipped it blindly behind his back, from the dirt, to McDonald for another forceout.

In the dugout watching all this was Vizquel. Manager Joel Skinner reported Vizquel turned to him and said: "Those guys must have bought my video."

Tirade of the week
The Mariners may not be going to the playoffs, but Lou Piniella gave the folks at Safeco one final classic Mount Piniella eruption Wednesday night.

He went out to argue a call at first with ump C.J. Bucknor, didn't win the argument and wound up kicking enough dirt to coat Mt. Rainier, then booting his cap, then finally yanking out first base and heaving it twice.

The Seattle Post Intelligencer's John Hickey reports that the next day, someone broke out a photo of Piniella kicking his cap.

"I'm going to send the picture to Jon Gruden (Piniella's neighbor in Tampa Bay)," Piniella said. "If he needs a field-goal kicker halfway through the season, I'm ready. That's good form there."

Cyclist of the week
When you own 10 triples in your career, you're not exactly a prime threat to hit for the cycle. But Greg Colbrunn picked the perfect occasion for No. 11 Wednesday -- the ninth inning in San Diego, in a game in which he already owned a single, double and two homers.

Amusingly, the East Valley Tribune's Ed Price reports that when Colbrunn came to the plate in the seventh inning, merely needing that triple, teammate Mark Grace had some advice: If he should screw up and hit a homer, he should miss home plate on purpose so he could get credit for his cycle.

"If I hit a home run," Colbrunn told Grace, in that selfless way of his, "I'm touching home."

Whereupon he did, in fact, hit a home run -- and did, in fact, touch the plate. But when he pounded a ball into the right-field corner in the ninth, it was a different story. This one was a triple all the way.

"I don't think he'd have stopped," said manager Bob Brenly, "if there had been a barricade at second."

Ice men of the week
Finally, in case you'd forgotten about him, Ted Williams is still chilling out in his cryonics lab in San Diego these days. And that inspired our friends, David Hill and Jim Sundra -- of the Baltimore baseball magazine, "Outside Pitch" -- to come up with the all-star team we've all been waiting for:

The All-Frozen Team
1B -- J.T. Snow
2B -- Chip Hale
SS -- Mike Coolbaugh
3B -- Gene Freese
C -- Moe Berg
LF -- Duff Cooley
CF -- Cool Papa Bell
RF -- Chili Davis
P -- Billy McCool, Ice Box Chamberlain, Dave Frost, Al Nipper, Frosty Thomas

Jayson Stark is a senior writer for ESPN.com.