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Friday, March 8
Updated: April 17, 5:55 PM ET
 
Spring Fever: Kent's little mishap

By Jayson Stark
ESPN.com

Injury of the week
It takes a special, down-to-earth kind of guy to use up a couple of hours of his rare and precious leisure time by washing his own truck, even though he's making 6 million bucks a year. It also takes a guy with way too much time on his hands.

Kent
Kent

We now know that Jeff Kent is just such a guy. He suffered an injury last week that goes right into the Things That Never Happened to Cal Ripken Hall of Fame -- by breaking his wrist, while (gulp) washing his truck.

Being the research-crazy kind of folks we are here at Spring Fever, our first reaction was to determine that for those 6 million bucks he's earning, Kent could buy 171,000 car washes from the Car Wash Guys in Phoenix. And they would have come to the ballpark and washed his truck while he took batting practice.

Meanwhile, being the humorous kind of guy he is, Kent's first reaction was: "I'll have my wife wash my car from now on."

And being the look-on-the-bright-side kind of guy he is, Giants assistant GM Ned Colletti's first reaction was: "I'm just thankful Jeff Kent doesn't own an office building somewhere and he didn't decide to go wash the windows on the building."

Across the baseball map, of course, other players took note of Kent's little mishap.

"I hope he realizes he ain't never gonna hear the end of this one," the Marlins' Cliff Floyd told Spring Fever. "Man, I stopped washing my cars years ago. You know you're gonna waste like an hour and a half if you do it right. And you know as soon as your done, it's gonna rain. And you know that even if it doesn't rain, it's gonna get all dusty in a couple days. So basically, you know you're gonna waste your time. So what was he thinking?"

Good question. He sure wasn't thinking our favorite magic words: "Full Service."

"People keep saying, 'You should have paid him more money,' " Colletti said. "And I say, 'Why? So he can buy more trucks and go wash them?'"

Injury of the week (runner-up)
As pure injuries go, C.C. Sabathia's achy back last weekend may not be up there with Mark Quinn's kung fu fiasco. (Quinn cracked his rib kung-fu fighting with his brother). But Sabathia's injury makes our list because it met our No. 1 criteria for inclusion in Spring Fever:

It prompted a great quote.

After Sabathia had to quit following a rocky one-inning outing in a B game last weekend, he said he had a stiff back after sleeping funny on four (count 'em, four) pillows.

Asked by the inquisitive Cleveland press corps if he could confirm that that was what happened, Indians manager Charlie Manuel snapped off the one-liner of the spring:

"I don't know," Manuel said. "I didn't sleep with him."

Spring box score lines of the week
Second runner-up: Seattle rookie J.J. Putz, March 1 vs. Anaheim: 1 2/3 IP, 7 H, 9 R, 9 ER, 3 BB, 2 K, and one spring ERA that stood at 48.80.

First runner-up: Cleveland rookie Billy Traber (obtained in the Roberto Alomar deal), March 3 vs. Detroit: 1 1/3 IP, 6 H, 8 R, 7 ER, 1 BB, 1 K, with all eight runs coming in his second inning of work.

"I went out to get him," Manuel reported, "and I said, 'Not too much went good for you, but you've already thrown over 40 pitches.' He said, 'Whatever you say, boss.' "

Grand prize: In his debut for his new team, just-acquired Oakland closer Billy Koch marched in there in his team's spring-training opener to protect a one-touchdown lead (14-7) against the Brewers. Little did they know he was going to call on his nickel defense.

Koch's line:

1/3 IP, 7 H, 5 R, 5 ER, 1 BB, 0 K.

Koch -- who is retooling his delivery with pitching coach Rick Peterson -- faced eight hitters. All eight of them reached base. His only out came when his catcher, Cody McKay, picked a runner off second base. But it was still 14-12 when he left, and the A's won, 16-13.

"Better to get that out of the way," manager Art Howe philosophized.

Wild card of the week
It could be an uncomfortable year in Philadelphia for soon-to-be-free-agent third baseman Scott Rolen. But our Spring Fever investigative team has uncovered his secret strategy for escaping the heat:

He's changing his identity.

You can find Rolen's photo on a brand new 2002 Topps baseball card. Which wouldn't be a big deal -- except that it's teammate Pat Burrell's card, not his own.

"We were trying to figure out who got the raw end of that deal," Burrell told Spring Fever. "I guess I'd have to say it was him -- because he's stuck with his picture on my stats."

Birthday boy of the week
It hasn't just been the wine in the cellar at Berns' Steak House that's been aging in the Tampa Bay area this spring. Three Devil Rays players also revealed last week they'd added a few years to the back of their baseball cards. (At least that was slightly balanced out by closer Esteban Yan, who revealed he was actually a year younger.)

But none of those Devil Rays aged more quickly than infielder Wilmy Caceras, who went from age 23 to age 28 in one day.

Let's just say his teammates noticed. A uniformed Devil Ray who prefers to remain nameless told him: "We're going to give you a birthday cake every day for the next five days -- because you've missed five cakes."

Slide of the week
We all remember what Jeremy Giambi didn't do last October when he was heading for home plate in Game 3 of the Yankees series. (OK, the answer is: slide.)

Giambi
Giambi

So wouldn't you know that in the Athletics' very first spring-training game of the year, Giambi had to try to score from first base on a double by Olmedo Saenz. And what did he do this time? Slide right on in there safely.

"It's a new season," Giambi said, without much amusement.

Law man of the week
If you're going to be a closer, it's required by law that you be a little goofy. So Tigers closer Matt Anderson is doing his best to fit the mold.

He told Tigers beat man Danny Knobler, of Booth Newspapers, that he's already looking forward to his next line of work.

"I'm thinking of being a sheriff," Anderson said.

Anderson is the same man who once talked about wanting to work for the FBI or Interpol. Of course, he's also talked about starting a trucking company or owning his own 18-wheeler. (We have this advice: Don't wash it yourself.) But the more he thinks about it, he's a Barney Fife kind of guy.

"Elected position," Anderson said. "It just seems like something that would be neat. I like law, and I like enforcement."

Good combination. "I'd vote for him," said teammate Jeff Weaver. "Just to see what would happen."

It should come as a relief (literally) to the Tigers that Anderson said his sheriff campaign is still "10-to-12 years away." But in the meantime, he has a new goal.

"I'd like to have a dinosaur skeleton," he said. "That would be neat. But that might be too expensive. Maybe just half of one. Maybe just a head."

Was this man born to march out of the bullpen, or what?

Milk man of the week
This just in: Luis Gonzalez is so huge in Arizona these days that he's even signed a deal as pitch man for local dairy Shamrock Farms.

"I'm going to have my picture on the side of a milk carton," a proud Gonzalez told Bloomberg News' Jerry Crasnick, "and I'm not even missing."

Comeback of the week
He retired five years ago, at the ripe old age of 25. But now, Salomon Torres is back, as a nonroster pitcher in the Pirates' camp.

New Pirates GM Dave Littlefield once hired him as a pitching coach for the Expos' Dominican Summer League team. So even though Torres launched his comeback last year by running up a 20.25 ERA in Korea, Littlefield gave him a shot this spring. And Torres promptly threw three hitless innings against the Reds in his spring debut.

Asked by the Beaver County Times' John Perrotto what he would do if he actually made the team, Torres replied: "I'd run out to the field, then start running around the bases, jumping up and down. Then I'd throw my hands in the air, just like I won the World Series."

It's worth rooting for him, just for the sake of capturing that on videotape.

Space landing of the week
The one and only Spaceman, Bill Lee, stopped by the Expos' training camp the other day. And the big surprise, considering the way this camp has gone, is that they didn't sign him.

Expos players may be optimistic they're moving to Washington next year. But Lee predicted complications.

"Listen," he told a rapt press corps, "90 percent of all Canadian fans are amassing at the border. If you think you're gong to take this ballclub and move it down to Washington, I don't think so. It can't be north of town, because the Baltimore organization would have something to say about that. It can't be downtown because no one goes downtown after July 1 in Washington. At least that's what I remember.

"Your team is in Minnesota," Lee said, meaning the original Senators, who became the Twins. "Your team is in Texas (meaning the next generation of Senators, who became the Rangers). This is Canada's team."

There has been no prouder former Expo than Lee through the years. But he said that if they move to Washington, he's disowning them.

"The only way I'm coming to Washington is if I am elected," he said. "And if I do, I will paint the White House pink and turn it into a Mexican restaurant."

Lee pitched for the Expos from 1979-82. They've never been the same.

Quote of the week
From Tigers broadcaster Ernie Harwell, who announced his retirement at age 84 -- on why he plans to enjoy his leisurely "retirement" by recording an audio book or two, doing some song writing and writing a newspaper colum:

"I'm not just going to put my feet up," Harwell said, "when (his wife) Lulu runs the vacuum cleaner."

Useless Information Dept.

  • We know that Joe Kerrigan was the fourth manager in the last half-century to be fired during spring training. We also know that of those four, Kerrigan was fired earliest. What you may not know is that two of three previous teams that canned their manager under the palm trees went on to have winning seasons.

    Jim Fregosi's '99 Blue Jays went 84-78 after he replaced Tim Johnson that spring. And Roger Craig's '78 Padres also went 84-78 after Craig stepped in for Alvin Dark.

    Then there was Stan Hack, who replaced Phil Cavaretta and led the '54 Cubs to a 64-90 season that left them in seventh place, 33 games out of first. Oh, well.

    But that's about it for the positive portion of this note. None of the new managers lasted longer than three seasons. (Hack was the only one to do that.) And if you're into prospective new Red Sox curses, those other three teams that dropped the guillotine in spring training have now played a combined 75 seasons since then without winning any World Series.

    So the heck with the Curse of the Bambino. Now the Red Sox have to worry about the Curse of Phil Cavaretta.
    List of the week
    Since we recently published the list of pitchers with the lowest career batting averages, we're giving the position players equal time. So here are the 10 active players currently in a spring-training camp who haven't gotten word of the dawn of the rocketball era (minimum: 500 at-bats).
    Player Avg. AB
    Tom Prince .206 1,017
    Andy Sheets .210 811
    Juan Castro .210 898
    A.J. Hinch .213 671
    D. Sadler .214 515
    F. Martinez .214 641
    Sal Fasano .216 668
    R. McGuire .217 605
    G. Matthews .217 599
    R. Rivera .218 1,378

  • The last time the career of a Red Sox manager other than an interim lasted as short as Kerrigan's 43-game managerial tenure? How about the 1907 season, a year in which the Sox practically made this year's team look stable?

    One manager, Chick Stahl, actually committed suicide right before Opening Day. Owner John Taylor then appointed himself as manager, only to have American League president Ban Johnson veto that plan.

    Cy Young then took over as pitcher-manager until Opening Day, when Taylor hired George Huff. But Huff had never played or managed anywhere, so he got let go after eight games (six of which he lost).

    Next to try this gig was first baseman Bob Unglaub. He lasted 29 games (going 9-20). Finally, Taylor hired Deacon McGuire, who somehow made it through the season. And you thought Red Sox chaos was a recent phenomenon, huh?

  • There's a note making the rounds warning the Diamondbacks that the Braves are the only National League champions to repeat since the '77-78 World Series. But if we were the Diamondbacks, that isn't the stat we'd worry about. We'd worry about this:

    If Danny Bautista is their regular right fielder, Jay Bell fills in for Matt Williams at third base and some combination of Todd Stottlemyre, Miguel Batista and Brian Anderson fills out the last two spots in the rotation, then guess what? By Memorial Day, every starting Arizona position player and every one of their five starting pitchers will be 30 or older.

    Counting Matt Williams, this team could have 17 players 30 or older by Memorial Day, nine players 35 or older and five players 37 or older. And you'd be hard-pressed to find a team with that much seniority that won, let alone repeated a trip to the World Series.

    Bonds
    Bonds

  • If there was a more amazing stat in the '90s than Barry Bonds averaging a 30-homer, 30-steal season for the entire decade, we haven't seen it. So now let's put it in better perspective:

    We're only two seasons into the 2000s -- early enough that this decade hasn't even developed its own catchy nickname yet (the Zeroes? The Aughts?). But how many players are averaging 30-30 in this decade, after two seasons? Would you believe nobody?

    Only one player is even close -- the Phillies' Bobby Abreu (64 steals, for an average of 32, and 56 homers, for an average of 28). Just so you can peruse where everyone stands, we broke the quasi-close calls into two categories.

    Averaging 30 HR, 20 SB
    Jose Cruz Jr. 65 HR, 47 SB
    Vladimir Guerrero 78 HR, 46 SB
    Shawn Green 73 HR, 44 SB
    Magglio Ordonez 63 HR, 43 SB

    Averaging 30 SB, 20 HR (more or less)
    Bobby Abreu 64 SB, 56 HR
    Roberto Alomar 69 SB, 39 HR

  • On the other hand, given the offensive insanity in our midst, could this be the first decade in history in which someone averages 40 homers and 40 doubles for a whole decade? Four men have done it so far:

    Todd Helton 91 HR, 113 doubles
    Luis Gonzalez 88 HR, 83 doubles
    Jeff Bagwell 86 HR, 80 doubles
    Carlos Delgado 80 HR, 88 doubles

  • Would you believe that the Devil Rays had a better record after the All-Star break last year (35-39) than the Red Sox (31-39) and Twins (30-45)? And the Phillies (36-39) and Cubs (37-39) had the same number of losses.

  • The Tigers' Jose Macias has never walked three times in a game in the major leagues. Naturally, he walked three times in the second spring-training game of the year.

  • Last season marked only the third time in the history of division play that two teams in the same division won 100 games (in this case the Mariners and A's). The only other two times that happened were in the '93 NL West (Braves 104 wins, Giants 103) and '80 AL East (Yankees 103, Orioles 100).

    So what happened the next season? Don't ask. Both were halted by work stoppages.

    Morgan
    Morgan

  • Finally, NBA vagabond Chucky Brown has gotten lots of pub lately by joining his 12th team (Sacramento), an NBA record. But he's only tied our sport's legendary traveling man, Mike Morgan, for the modern North American major-sports record.

    When asked by the East Valley Tribune's Ed Price for his reaction to being caught by Brown, the 42-year-old Morgan immediately recalled he'd just signed a new contract that gave his current team, Arizona, a club option for 2003.

    "I'm going to have to go clip somebody in 2004 for my 13th team," Morgan joked.

    Price reports that Morgan has faced 11,716 batters in his career. Brown has played 11,878 minutes.

    Amazingly, they've never played in the same city at the same time. But they were close once. Brown signed with the Lakers on Dec. 5, 1991. Four days later, Morgan left the Dodgers to sign as a free agent with the Cubs.

    Jayson Stark is a senior writer for ESPN.com.






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