Injury of the week
It takes a special, down-to-earth kind of guy to use up a couple of hours of his rare and precious leisure time by washing his own truck, even though he's making 6 million bucks a year. It also takes a guy with way too much time on his hands.

	Kent

We now know that Jeff Kent is just such a guy. He suffered an injury last week that goes right into the Things That Never Happened to Cal Ripken Hall of Fame -- by breaking his wrist, while (gulp) washing his truck.

Being the research-crazy kind of folks we are here at Spring Fever, our first reaction was to determine that for those 6 million bucks he's earning, Kent could buy 171,000 car washes from the Car Wash Guys in Phoenix. And they would have come to the ballpark and washed his truck while he took batting practice.

Meanwhile, being the humorous kind of guy he is, Kent's first reaction was: "I'll have my wife wash my car from now on."

And being the look-on-the-bright-side kind of guy he is, Giants assistant GM Ned Colletti's first reaction was: "I'm just thankful Jeff Kent doesn't own an office building somewhere and he didn't decide to go wash the windows on the building."

Across the baseball map, of course, other players took note of Kent's little mishap.

"I hope he realizes he ain't never gonna hear the end of this one," the Marlins' Cliff Floyd told Spring Fever. "Man, I stopped washing my cars years ago. You know you're gonna waste like an hour and a half if you do it right. And you know as soon as your done, it's gonna rain. And you know that even if it doesn't rain, it's gonna get all dusty in a couple days. So basically, you know you're gonna waste your time. So what was he thinking?"

Good question. He sure wasn't thinking our favorite magic words: "Full Service."

"People keep saying, 'You should have paid him more money,' " Colletti said. "And I say, 'Why? So he can buy more trucks and go wash them?'"

Injury of the week (runner-up)
As pure injuries go, C.C. Sabathia's achy back last weekend may not be up there with Mark Quinn's kung fu fiasco. (Quinn cracked his rib kung-fu fighting with his brother). But Sabathia's injury makes our list because it met our No. 1 criteria for inclusion in Spring Fever:

It prompted a great quote.

After Sabathia had to quit following a rocky one-inning outing in a B game last weekend, he said he had a stiff back after sleeping funny on four (count 'em, four) pillows.

Asked by the inquisitive Cleveland press corps if he could confirm that that was what happened, Indians manager Charlie Manuel snapped off the one-liner of the spring:

"I don't know," Manuel said. "I didn't sleep with him."

Spring box score lines of the week
Second runner-up: Seattle rookie J.J. Putz, March 1 vs. Anaheim: 1 2/3 IP, 7 H, 9 R, 9 ER, 3 BB, 2 K, and one spring ERA that stood at 48.80.

First runner-up: Cleveland rookie Billy Traber (obtained in the Roberto Alomar deal), March 3 vs. Detroit: 1 1/3 IP, 6 H, 8 R, 7 ER, 1 BB, 1 K, with all eight runs coming in his second inning of work.

"I went out to get him," Manuel reported, "and I said, 'Not too much went good for you, but you've already thrown over 40 pitches.' He said, 'Whatever you say, boss.' "

Grand prize: In his debut for his new team, just-acquired Oakland closer Billy Koch marched in there in his team's spring-training opener to protect a one-touchdown lead (14-7) against the Brewers. Little did they know he was going to call on his nickel defense.

Koch's line:

1/3 IP, 7 H, 5 R, 5 ER, 1 BB, 0 K.

Koch -- who is retooling his delivery with pitching coach Rick Peterson -- faced eight hitters. All eight of them reached base. His only out came when his catcher, Cody McKay, picked a runner off second base. But it was still 14-12 when he left, and the A's won, 16-13.

"Better to get that out of the way," manager Art Howe philosophized.

Wild card of the week
It could be an uncomfortable year in Philadelphia for soon-to-be-free-agent third baseman Scott Rolen. But our Spring Fever investigative team has uncovered his secret strategy for escaping the heat:

He's changing his identity.

You can find Rolen's photo on a brand new 2002 Topps baseball card. Which wouldn't be a big deal -- except that it's teammate Pat Burrell's card, not his own.

"We were trying to figure out who got the raw end of that deal," Burrell told Spring Fever. "I guess I'd have to say it was him -- because he's stuck with his picture on my stats."

Birthday boy of the week
It hasn't just been the wine in the cellar at Berns' Steak House that's been aging in the Tampa Bay area this spring. Three Devil Rays players also revealed last week they'd added a few years to the back of their baseball cards. (At least that was slightly balanced out by closer Esteban Yan, who revealed he was actually a year younger.)

But none of those Devil Rays aged more quickly than infielder Wilmy Caceras, who went from age 23 to age 28 in one day.

Let's just say his teammates noticed. A uniformed Devil Ray who prefers to remain nameless told him: "We're going to give you a birthday cake every day for the next five days -- because you've missed five cakes."

Slide of the week
We all remember what Jeremy Giambi didn't do last October when he was heading for home plate in Game 3 of the Yankees series. (OK, the answer is: slide.)

	Giambi

So wouldn't you know that in the Athletics' very first spring-training game of the year, Giambi had to try to score from first base on a double by Olmedo Saenz. And what did he do this time? Slide right on in there safely.

"It's a new season," Giambi said, without much amusement.

Law man of the week
If you're going to be a closer, it's required by law that you be a little goofy. So Tigers closer Matt Anderson is doing his best to fit the mold.

He told Tigers beat man Danny Knobler, of Booth Newspapers, that he's already looking forward to his next line of work.

"I'm thinking of being a sheriff," Anderson said.

Anderson is the same man who once talked about wanting to work for the FBI or Interpol. Of course, he's also talked about starting a trucking company or owning his own 18-wheeler. (We have this advice: Don't wash it yourself.) But the more he thinks about it, he's a Barney Fife kind of guy.

"Elected position," Anderson said. "It just seems like something that would be neat. I like law, and I like enforcement."

Good combination. "I'd vote for him," said teammate Jeff Weaver. "Just to see what would happen."

It should come as a relief (literally) to the Tigers that Anderson said his sheriff campaign is still "10-to-12 years away." But in the meantime, he has a new goal.

"I'd like to have a dinosaur skeleton," he said. "That would be neat. But that might be too expensive. Maybe just half of one. Maybe just a head."

Was this man born to march out of the bullpen, or what?

Milk man of the week
This just in: Luis Gonzalez is so huge in Arizona these days that he's even signed a deal as pitch man for local dairy Shamrock Farms.

"I'm going to have my picture on the side of a milk carton," a proud Gonzalez told Bloomberg News' Jerry Crasnick, "and I'm not even missing."

Comeback of the week
He retired five years ago, at the ripe old age of 25. But now, Salomon Torres is back, as a nonroster pitcher in the Pirates' camp.

New Pirates GM Dave Littlefield once hired him as a pitching coach for the Expos' Dominican Summer League team. So even though Torres launched his comeback last year by running up a 20.25 ERA in Korea, Littlefield gave him a shot this spring. And Torres promptly threw three hitless innings against the Reds in his spring debut.

Asked by the Beaver County Times' John Perrotto what he would do if he actually made the team, Torres replied: "I'd run out to the field, then start running around the bases, jumping up and down. Then I'd throw my hands in the air, just like I won the World Series."

It's worth rooting for him, just for the sake of capturing that on videotape.

Space landing of the week
The one and only Spaceman, Bill Lee, stopped by the Expos' training camp the other day. And the big surprise, considering the way this camp has gone, is that they didn't sign him.

Expos players may be optimistic they're moving to Washington next year. But Lee predicted complications.

"Listen," he told a rapt press corps, "90 percent of all Canadian fans are amassing at the border. If you think you're gong to take this ballclub and move it down to Washington, I don't think so. It can't be north of town, because the Baltimore organization would have something to say about that. It can't be downtown because no one goes downtown after July 1 in Washington. At least that's what I remember.

"Your team is in Minnesota," Lee said, meaning the original Senators, who became the Twins. "Your team is in Texas (meaning the next generation of Senators, who became the Rangers). This is Canada's team."

There has been no prouder former Expo than Lee through the years. But he said that if they move to Washington, he's disowning them.

"The only way I'm coming to Washington is if I am elected," he said. "And if I do, I will paint the White House pink and turn it into a Mexican restaurant."

Lee pitched for the Expos from 1979-82. They've never been the same.

Quote of the week
From Tigers broadcaster Ernie Harwell, who announced his retirement at age 84 -- on why he plans to enjoy his leisurely "retirement" by recording an audio book or two, doing some song writing and writing a newspaper colum:

"I'm not just going to put my feet up," Harwell said, "when (his wife) Lulu runs the vacuum cleaner."

Useless Information Dept.