A couple of happy holidays ago, The Jump presented you, our readers, with a holiday blueprint designed to help you build a multisport stadium facility in the comfort of your own home. Then it dawned on us: What about the halftime show? This year, we make amends for our egregious oversight.

To start, you'll need to set the mood with music -- something soulful, yet patriotic. This Ray Charles Animatronic Doll ("Head and body sway back and forth, just like Ray!") sings "What'd I Say" and "America the Beautiful" ($29.99). Just the ticket.

Next, grab a pal -- one who's not too quick on the uptake -- and tell him he'll be starring in your Super Bowl XXXVII Halftime Blowout Bonanza! Then, through gentle persuasion -- say, a few piņa coladas made in this Oster In2itive 6710 Blender ($139.99) with 24-ounce Blend-N-Go cup ($19.95) -- get him to "dress the part" by donning Nike H-1000 goggles ($5.95), a Nike women's reversible bathing suit ($68) and a pair of flashy Nike Air Max Q iD sneakers ($110), which can be customized online!

Now it's time to get interactive! Have your pal stand in front of the TV and close his eyes -- then bean him with a My First Softball and a My First Soccer Ball by Aurora World Inc. ($7). The balls are soft and will "boing" when they hit your pal's head. That's entertainment!*

Be sure to have someone hide behind the sofa and record all the fun with an Olympus Camedia C-50 Zoom 5.0 Megapixel Digital Camera ($599). For, um, posterity. Or blackmail.

What's halftime without some learnin'? Have your buddy get on the Tanita's BF-626 Scale plus Body Fat Monitor ($89.99). Then have him devour all the contents of this Golf Basket with gourmet treats from 1-800-Flowers.com ($54.99). Then calculate the difference in the poor slob's weight and body fat. Remarkable!

By this time, Animatronic Ray might be low on batteries, but the show must go on! So have your guy belt out a couple of ditties on this MTV KaraokeVision by The Singing Machine ($99).

Things are cooking by now, so radio the neighbors with this WristLinx two-way wristwatch communicator ($49.99). Invite 'em over for a "surprise" visit and bet on how fast your pal runs away. You can clock him with the Bushnell Speedster Speed Gun ($299.95).

Don't worry, though; show's not over. Take this Zooka ZS740 Personal Pitching Machine ($699) and set off an aerial display of flying Derek Jeter, Kurt Warner and Kevin Garnett Hallmark Keepsake ornaments ($14.95) and whatever food's left over from the Golf Basket. For added fun, snag the flies with this Akadema Reptilian baseball glove ($175). Fair catch, indeed!

Okay, fun is fun, especially when it's at the expense of a friend. But the next day you and your crew will want to pop by your gullible pal's pad for a good-faith barbecue with this portable Thermos Grill2Go from Char-Broil ($149.95). Bring those pics from your Super Bowl XXXVII Halftime Blowout Bonanza -- your pal is sure to be wearing his new kicks: Reebok NBA Denials ($70).

*A note about safety: We at The Jump don't want your dopey pal to get hurt by these plush children's toys, so make sure he wears a Brain Pad mouthguard ($19.95). It absorbs the blow, so his noggin won't! Lord knows, this guy ain't got much to spare.

This article appears in the December 23 issue of ESPN The Magazine.