Monday, 12:14 p.m. EST

So there I was, several hours before the Super Bowl, getting thoroughly searched by a guard outside Qualcomm Stadium. To my left were rows upon rows of empty margarita glasses (it was barely past noon, by the way) balanced like lemmings on a concrete police barrier. To my right was Gunter and my new bestest buddies from the German press. "I don't speak German but I know what you guys are saying," I whispered to Gunter, who was also getting searched. "Last night in the Gaslamp it would have cost you 50 bucks to get searched like this … am I right?" After the translation, this joke produced thunderous laughter. I'm huge in Germany. That's when we noticed that two feet behind us was the entire cast of Alias, led by Jennifer Garner.

	Look who Dave found himself near on Super Sunday.

Just another day at the Super Bowl, eh Gunter?

Ya Flem … Ya.

As usual, I think the ridiculous, out-of-focus excess of this event was best summed up by Sting, who while singing "Message in a Bottle" for a global audience of more than 800 million people still managed to utter these words with a straight face: "Seems I'm not so alone in being alone."

Sometimes, at the Super Bowl, you wish you were.

Like when you look up and -- eeegad! -- Styx is taking the stage. Here's how weak Styx is: They covered two Queen songs during the pregame show instead of playing their own tunes. They should switch their name to Twigs. Perhaps they were distracted by the women dancing in front of them dressed in blueberry bridesmaid dresses waving what looked like giant colored potato chips above their heads. These women were not the worst looking mascots of the week. No, that award would go to the Breath Right nasal strip mascot which is a giant, uh, plugged-up nostril.

"Kenny? Kenny Mayne?" I asked the walking shnoz. "Is that you big guy?"

After a week of hyper-hype, with every conceivable angle covered, the Raiders' white jerseys (cooler in the hot sun) and the temperature in San Diego (second-hottest SB ever) is what passed for analysis. And just when you began to think we can't sink any lower as a society … on comes a commercial for the new reality show Are You Hot?

Before the game the giant Raider dude balloon was lying, flaccid and face-down, on the sidelines. Please insert your own Oakland joke here.

Now, I'm not saying the game would have turned out any different, but despite what you might have heard on TV, the absence of all-pro center Barret Robbins was dramatic and obvious. "It was a distraction," said Romo.

You don't think backup Adam Treu was nervous? I saw him sucking down oxygen on the team bench before the game and, trust me, it wasn't because he was in shock that a Canadian, Celine Deion, had been chosen to sing "God Bless America" before the game. "God Bless America … land that I … travel to very frequently…"

Besides, you could tell the team's linemen, conscious of helping Treu on the interior, were leaving the tackles all alone on the outside. This, in turn, is why the Bucs were able to pressure Rich Gannon so easily from around the corner. "But I don't know if it would have mattered if we had [Hall of Fame center] Mike Webster in there," said Gannon, who had a passer rating of 20.3 in the first half even though you get 15 points for buckling your chin strap.

Two more Robbins related thoughts: The best piece of memorabilia from this game was not the cheesy seat cushion or the game program but the official NFL pregame inactives list that included Robbins. By the way, you know the happiest man alive right now? Eugene Robinson.

At times the game seemed just a minor detail squeezed between all the shows. The best part of the halftime show? Well, besides getting shots on the JumboTron of face-painted Raider fans looking like they might cry (or was that Al Davis?) it was probably U2's song "Elevation," which they blasted inside the stadium while the stage was being set up.

Here's the exact notebook entry I made after I got my first look at Shania Twain's outfit: Darth Vader in drag. And when it came down to performance, Darth, er, Shania, played the Raiders to Gwen Stefani's Bucs.

The real Raiders weren't just beaten. They were beaten up. Outsmarted. Out-played. Pounded. Even Al Davis looked frail. It's been a while since I've seen such a contrite loser's locker room after the Super Bowl. "It was shocking," said a bloodied and battered fullback Jon Ritchie. "We got a thorough behind-whupping," said Sam Adams.

And here's Romo on AWOL teammate Robbins: "When a teammate doesn't show up? That hurts. In a situation like this you want everybody to give it their best shot, every day; that's called being a pro. You come to work and you be on time. The little things add up. Mike Shanahan used to say if you take care of the little things, the big things will take care of themselves and I truly believe that. It happens over and over again. Today there was a lot of little things that went wrong and they ended up turning into big things.

"I wasn't mad at him, the guy's got a problem. It's beyond I'm-trying-to-think-of-the-right-thing-to-say … the guy has got to get some help. I'm not aware of anything. I just know for someone to miss Saturday walk- through the day before the Super Bowl the guy has got to have something very wrong going on in his life. For his sake I hope he's able to get his life cleaned up -- whatever it is. I just know there's got to be a major problem for that to happen the day before the Super Bowl. It definitely didn't help. It was a distraction. On Friday I took my wife to dinner and was in bed by 11. This was the opportunity of a lifetime, I don't play around with that."

And neither did the Bucs.

My favorite image of the day may have come late in the third quarter during a TV timeout when Warren Sapp -- love him or hate him, they built this team around this guy -- skipped over toward the stands and with his patented shimmy-shake seemed to be body surfing off the crowd's energy as Bucs fans chanted WARR-EN WARR-EN!

I've covered this franchise all the way back to when they dressed and played like orange traffic barrels. In fact, I once saw Trent Dilfer actually miss a hi-five after a pass completion because he was so out of practice celebrating good plays. "Some of us have been here a long, long time," said Bucs fullback Mike Alstott. "And we've seen it all, from the bottom to the top. The really scary thing is, I think we can get better."

I'm not sure it gets any better than this, Mike. But the Bucs sure didn't miss any hi-fives Sunday night.

Even the ultra-conservative QB Brad Johnson walked by on his way to the showers and yelled out for a brewski. "Where's the Coors Light at bro?" he screamed. "I think I need about a 12 pack." (You're not the only one, Brad.)

Across the room, Bucs corner Brian Kelly, who I later saw sucking down his victory cigar before boarding the team bus, was hollering at Super Bowl MVP Dexter Jackson.

"Dex? Hey Dex?"

"Yeah man."

"What you got Dex, Disney World? Letterman? Leno? What you got?"

Jackson thought for a minute.

Two picks. A TD. A Lombardi Trophy. A Super Bowl ring. An MVP award. A spot among the all-time great defenses. At long last, respect for a franchise, a city and its fans. A powerful and poignant ending to an otherwise chaotic and wild season.

"I got it all," he yelled. "I got it all."

Friday, 5:21 p.m. EST

I saw the two ladies from the Miller Lite commercial strutting through the media center, which included Ricky Watters wearing a camo do-rag, Miami coach Dave Wannstedt and new Jags coach Jack Del Rio.

Steve Young ran through the lobby at the Marriott, but Lawrence Taylor and the Fridge just walked.

Overheard a Raider fan in full garb yell out to some doofus Bucs fan in full face paint, "Hey Big Nasty, let's get that beer later." Not exactly fighting words, huh?

Number of people I caught sleeping during Tag's press conference: 4.

As you walk by, most media types like to read your credential badge to see who you are and where you rank in this circus. This happens so often that sooner or later there is going to be a near-fatal head-butting accident. Can you get blood out of Dockers?

I wonder if I was the only person at the commish's press conference wearing a Pearl Jam t-shirt?

Perhaps the most enjoyable and enlightening conversation I've had so far this week was analyzing the recent string of poor career choices by Snoop Dogg with my Page 2 buddy Brian Murphy.

From a Tijuana press release: "Violent crime is low [in Tijuana] and random violence is rare ... drinking water has also been considered safe for years."

There is nothing sadder in all of sports than a dad using his child to get autographs.

Wait, I think I found something: Several fans pressed up against the glass of the media center trying to get a look at … Marv Albert.

Wait, how about this: At one party last night, I'm told the boys from N*Sync were constantly looking forlornly toward the door to see if Justin might show up.

Wait, this trumps 'em all: I am skipping the Maxim, Playboy and ESPN parties to go visit my brother in L.A.

Tags gave his usual State of the NFL address this morning. The official transcripts are not ready yet but here's a few of his statements and, using the FlemFile Filter, an examination of what he was really thinking at the time:

"All the issues in Jacksonville (regarding a future Super Bowl) are manageable." FFF: There are going to be plenty of rooms available for fans and corporate fat cats because we're putting the media up at a local KOA camp ground.

"That [a regular season game in Japan or Mexico] is still an iffy proposition." FFF: We'll play there right after the Super Bowl is held on the moon -- or in Oakland.

"The stadium proposal put together by the San Diego Chargers deserves some serious consideration." FFF: Fork over the coin right now or I'll move this team to L.A. faster than you can say Art Modell.

"What we can do is support the Bengals in their turnaround effort. And make sure that the Bengals' stadium is a place for the kind of football fans can be proud of." FFF: Like, say, for instance, a team that wouldn't be an underdog against Kalamazoo College.

"It's hard for me to say [about future SB sites] because I don't vote." FFF: No, I just tell the people who vote when to raise their hands or I send them to NFL Europe.

"The competition for [hosting] Super Bowls is as fierce as it's ever been." FFF: Oh-moneymoneymoney-smoochsmooch-oh-Ilovemoney-$$$-money-yes-money-cashgreencoinmoneymoney-$$$.

"[Regarding cold weather cities hosting the Super Bowl]: There has to be an understanding that you don't attend the game in Bermuda shorts." FFF Unless, of course, they are officially licensed NFL Bermuda shorts.

"Overall we think [NFL] officiating is very good." FFF: Compared to what they offered at the last Winter Olympics.

"Human error is a part of football." FFF: Heck, that's actually the Detroit Lions marketing campaign for next season.

"No one wants to see that [a team with a losing record in the playoffs] really." FFF: Except the Arizona Cardinals.

"The Colts do have some needs." FFF: Yeah, like a quarterback who doesn't fold like a cheap wallet in the playoffs.

"I hope everyone enjoys what promises to be an outstanding football game." FFF: Provided, of course, it doesn't end with me handing the Lombardi Trophy to Al Davis.

David Fleming is a senior writer for ESPN The Magazine. E-mail him at dave.fleming@espn3.com.