Roy Hollis Jr.: As with trucks and other such things, foreigners refer to the soccer ball as "her." So to hit the ball is to sock "her." Shouldn't that be sock "she"? Barry Petchesky: The word soccer is a curious abbreviation of "association football." No way! No, really. Matt Weaver: Ha ha. I think it is called soccer because it means "kick the ball into the goal," in a really old language. It's difficult to know if your laughing with me, at me, at the game of soccer, or at the fundamental absuridity that underlies humanity's futile search for meaning in the vastness of our rapidly expanding universe. Doug Whitehead: It is my contention that football is played with one's foot and the name soccer ought to be forgotten. Ha ha! Jason Napora: In England, there were two types of football played in the nineteenth century -- Rugby and Association. Association football got shortened to "assoc" and soon made the short leap to "soccer." C'mon, you guys can do better than this. And what, exactly, is the universe expanding into? What was there before the universe got there? Michael Butler: The answer is simple. Thank goodness. Why is American football called football when soccer is football? That's not an answer. There you have it! Ivy Zhang Lei: My personal belief is that soccer is a thinking man's game. Cogito ergo sum. And who is one of the best thinkers of all time? You're too kind. Socrates. Oh, him. Socrates sounds like soccer, so there you go. I get it: Socrates is wise, love is blind, so Ray Charles invented soccer!

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