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| | Tuesday, November 16 | |||||
Special to ESPN.com | ||||||
And now, another essay on why America is the greatest country this
side of Canada:
The San Francisco 49ers, who at one time (well, six weeks ago, to be
precise) were considered a good football team, announce Friday that they
have finally wearied of part-time running back Lawrence Phillips and seek
to fire him.
No sooner does Phillips blow his gig in Giggleville than a rumor that the Buffalo Bills are keen to find a new back to either enhance or replace the struggling Antowain Smith. And the first name to come up is: yes, you got it, Smilin' Lar'. Now it should be mentioned that this was a hotter item when Buffalo coach Wade Phillips was less satisfied in Smith, and surely before his 29-carry, 126-yard performance against Miami on Sunday. It should also be mentioned that it is Miami that needs a running back again after trading Karim Abdul-Jabbar to Cleveland and then losing Cecil Collins to a broken leg in the Bills game. Plus Jacksonville may have lost Fred Taylor again, plus Kansas City hasn't had a big-name back for years now, plus Carolina is working without Tim Biakabutuka, plus the Giants can't run the ball at all, and, well, you get the idea. Somewhere, there's a home, if only on a month-to-month lease, for Lawrence Phillips. Once again, at least in the exciting world of professional sports, it is shown that not only can you not keep a good man down, you have a hell of time keeping even a mediocre one down. This will not be a treatise on Phillips' unpleasant criminal record, mostly to avoid trivializing violence against women, but also because the one has nothing to do with the other. On the other hand, we have in Phillips a fellow who has shown a remarkable inability to grasp the task before him, let alone his surroundings. He blew up in St. Louis, where head coach Dick Vermeil has forgiven any number of talented reprobates in his day but fired Phillips, albeit tearfully, after less than two years. He blew up in Miami, where head coach Johnson needed a running back so badly that he would have cheerfully accepted submission from burly checkout clerks, truck drivers, or in one case we know, a nun. And now he has blown up in San Francisco, a team in such a precipitous free fall that head coach Steve Mariucci looks like a dog sticking his head out the driver's-side window during a jaunt on the freeway. The only sound he hears now is his cheeks slapping against his ears. But as anyone who has followed the career of Mike Morgan knows, three strikes only means that you have 27 left. I mean, the paper is still warm from the Xerox machine explaining that the 49ers would like to see Phillips throw himself down a well, and already the rumors are running wild and free, like wildebeests in a cheapo nature documentary on the Animals You Can't Keep As Pets Channel. Of course, the great thing about rumors is that they don't have to be true to be repeated. The Bills may have finally found Smith's hot button (he did score twice the week before, as well), and besides, the 49ers haven't gotten rid of Phillips yet, plus they are trying to cultivate their own hilarious rumor -- the alleged courting of Jeff Hostetler to become the team's fourth quarterback. Conversely, the Bills might still be interested in putting their tongues in the ceiling fan as regards Phillips. They may even bring him in, work him out, and decide after much soul-searching that they'd rather have Jonathan Linton hop than Phillips run. There are fans in three cities who have seen Phillips and would conclude that the two are essentially the same. The point remains the same, though. There is nobody too lousy, incorrigible or disinterested to be kicked out of football (or baseball, hockey, basketball or figure skating, for that matter). You don't even need to show all that much aptitude for the gig any more. If someone's heard of you, or has tape of you dominating the Scottish Claymores, or even Iowa State, you can do anything -- or in this case, do nothing. Either way, you're in. And that, kids, is why America is such a glorious place. Everything is forgiven, forgotten or hallucinated away. Sports is the one haven where egalitarian instincts walk hand-in-hand with desperate talent shortages to produce the second chance that never ends. Three decades ago, athletes were being punished despite their talents, because they dared to speak or act on the basis of conscience. Now, athletes are rewarded despite their lack of talents, just because the really good ones are so hard to find. But there we go again, pining for the good old days when in fact the days we have right now are just fine. So, you go, Lar'. Find your bliss, my man, even if it is in Buffalo just as the leaves are beginning to turn into snowdrifts. If you can help the Bills, you're a better player than anyone on the planet thinks you are. And if not, there's always Cincinnati. After all, you've never been picky, and neither, it seems, have your potential employers. Ray Ratto of the San Francisco Examiner is a regular contributor to ESPN.com. | ALSO SEE Niners wait to cut Phillips, work out Hostetler
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