We are literally hours from answering The Question Nobody Asked, and we are frankly tying ourselves into knots trying to figure out how to look like we couldn't care less while ... well, while we couldn't care less.

	Are all athletes on skates considered equal?

But among the things we couldn't care less about comes a notion that maybe we can care about, namely, What Things In Sports Women Can Do As Well As Men.

Our interest in L'Affaire Sorenstam is tempered by the notion that golf disadvantages women less than, say, bar fighting or jousting. But it still disadvantages women, so everybody comes away happy -- men, because she won't win The Colonial; women, because she won't finish last; and television programmers, who otherwise would have been stuck with, well, The Colonial.

But we're stalling. What you want to know is What Things In Sports Women Can Do As Well As Men, and rather than try to make unconvincing arguments for pastimes like beach volleyball, softball games at the company picnic and Roller Derby, or convincing arguments for pastimes like auto racing, jockeying and synchronized swimming, we're here to tell you.

Trainers, surgeons and other medical personnel: A blown rotator cuff is a blown rotator cuff by any other name, no matter what color scrubs you wear. And yes, we omitted any reference to groin pulls for a reason.

	Chyna may have lost her boxing match with Joey Buttafuoco, but he didn't have to face with her with talcum powder in his eyes.

Pro wrestling valet: It's hard to see a difference between, say, Stephanie McMahon and Jimmy Hart, except that McMahon is related to the owner of the WWE and Hart is an employee and can be fired by either McMahon. The point here is either one can blow talcum powder into an opponent's eye with equal facility.

Sideline reportage: There is quite frankly nothing Armen Keteyian or Jim Gray can ask that Jill Arrington or Lesley Visser cannot. In fact, it wasn't a woman who announced breathlessly during a timeout of the men's college basketball national championship game that "NBC News and CNN have reported that Saddam Hussein might be dead,'' but Gray. In fact, he is the only reporter to announce this news while the Syracuse pep band was whipping through a medley in the background, but we would like to think this is something Michele Tafoya could do as well as Dr. Jerry Punch.

Picking winners against the spread: Gamblers Anonymous meetings are predominantly male enclaves, but there is no evidence to suggest that women can't get on the wrong side of Bears-Bengals.

Explaining away sanctions: The president of the University of Michigan looked just as imperious and gently outraged as the president of the University of Georgia, and tons better than the former president of St. Bonaventure.

Shaking down wealthy alums: Women athletic directors can squeeze a rich person's shoes just as well as men can, and because you don't need to be a brawny he-man to perform intricate acts like wallet extractions, this is non-gender-specific sports activity.

Coaching: Two words ... Pat Summitt. Two more words ... Geno Auriemma.

	Violet Palmer has done a good job of going mostly unnoticed during her career as an NBA game official.

Officiating: Now if I'm Gregg Popovich and it's Game 7 of the NBA's Western Conference final, I'd rather see Joey Crawford than Violet Palmer, but in fairness, I'd rather see Violet Palmer than Bennie Adams. That alone crosses the threshold, and doesn't even get to the point of making Jack Nies get out of the tanning booth before he turns to soot.

Hockey goaltenders: We base this only on highly unscientific searches of Philadelphia Flyers and Vancouver Canucks fan Web sites, but if they say so, well ...

Stadium organists: A trick question, since stadium organists have pretty much gone the way of emperors, ear-nose-and-throat physicians, steeplejacks and movie house organists. Women and men can do this job, but since the job already is being handled by disbanded '80s metal bands and European techno-pop noodlers, this one shouldn't count.

Ski jumpers: Gravity does not discriminate, and even if men can go farther, the laws of physics dictate that they can't plummet any faster. And to me, the plummeting part is a hell of a lot more important than the jumping part.

Getting all oopty-doopty about Martha Burk and Annika Sorenstam: This is what passes for great sociological debate in the sports world, and anyone can whine relentlessly about the great issues of the day when the great issues of the day don't get any better than this.

But hey, if this proves categorically that Annika Sorenstam can play as well as, say, Keith Clearwater, I guess the republic is better off.

Ray Ratto is a columnist with the San Francisco Chronicle and a regular contributor to ESPN.com